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The cold January night bit into the skin of the Port Mafia boss in spite of his coat and his scarf as he glided through the shadow-filled alleyways of Yokohama, a creature of the night prowling the area for his prey. Still, the cold bothered him none. Its teeth weren’t as sharp as the cold metal spikes that dug mercilessly in the tender flesh on his neck, a lock without a key that kept the untamable beast at bay.
In one gloved hand, a gleaming gun was held shining in the full moon’s light. There were only two bullets in its magazine, but the beast that was confident in the dark (for it was everything he had ever known) wasn’t entirely sure he had it in him to pull the trigger. He never had any need for it, of course, due to the nature of his ability, but something told him that that wasn’t the reason for his hesitation.
It was another question he didn’t know the answer to, so he didn’t dwell on it for long. He didn’t, for he was still waiting.
And oh, how he had always waited. He’d waited for so long that he was so sick and tired of it, of living a life of unanswered questions, of unsaid goodbyes, of indirect truths. He needed a closure, an end to this dramatic play that he, admittedly, stepped into and damn it all if he wasn’t taking the shot.
He was going to live long enough to see that conclusion.
So he walked, he marched, he treaded, he stumbled, he traipsed all over the city that he knew well and had come to love, waiting for the final actor of the play to take the stage. He knew, he knew that he would come, that he could not ignore the invitation he had given. He knew, he trusted, that he would come, and soon enough, a crackle of pure energy announced his arrival, along with the rustle of cloth calming down.
“What a coincidence!” White hair fluttered in the wind of his movement as he turned around, meeting tired grey eyes with a grin full of sharp teeth. “To be joined by such an honorable man during my nightly stroll, how delightful.”
“What did you call me here for, Nakajima Atsushi?” The newcomer held up his fist, a paper crumpled within it. “What’s the meaning of this?”
“Come now, won’t you call me by just my name?” Atsushi pouted, a hand coming up to fix the collar of his coat, to hide his neck even more. “And not that ‘Jinko’ bullshit either. I want nothing but pure honesty tonight, Ryuunosuke.”
“I have no idea what you’re saying,” Ryuunosuke grumbled, his eyebrows furrowing in annoyance. Atsushi caught sight of the hem of his coat dance despite the absence of a breeze. “I want answers.”
“And so do I,” Atsushi interjected sharply, eyes hardening. “But neither of us are getting that unless you do as I say.”
Ryuunosuke’s face twisted into an ugly expression, rage evident in the tenseness of his shoulders. His coat glowed a light shade of blue, illuminating the otherwise dark alleyway they were in briefly, before he let out a frustrated sigh and calmed down.
“Fine,” he snarled, grey eyes narrowed. Atsushi merely smiled, arms crossed behind him as he waited.
“Atsushi,” Ryuunosuke all but spat the name out, “what do you want?”
“Ryuunosuke.” Atsushi couldn’t help but let out a laugh that was barely louder than a whisper, offering a hand to his companion. “Walk with me?”
After much visible hesitance, Ryuunosuke took his hand.
“I’m Nakajima Atsushi!” a tiny, white-haired boy exclaimed as he shook the other child’s hand vigorously. Atsushi missed the way his new friend’s frown deepen at the aggressive gesture, too focused on celebrating the fact that he had a new friend despite only having met a few seconds ago. “It’s nice to meet you!”
“Akutagawa…” the other muttered, hand still being shaken energetically. “Akutagawa Ryuunosuke. It’s… um… nice to meet you too, I guess.”
Atsushi continued to stare in awe at everything about Ryuunosuke, from the white tips of his hair to his stormy grey eyes that reflected the clouds in the distance. The weather was unpredictable—the sun would shine brightly one moment and then rain would patter down the next.
“Can you let go of my hand now?”
“Oh!” Atsushi immediately let go as if burnt, laughing nervously and clutching his tiger plushie tighter to his chest. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s fine,” Ryuunosuke reassured, though he did rub his hand, which was slowly turning red. He was so pale, like his skin never touched the sun before. Atsushi briefly wondered about it before his young mind quickly flew to another topic, an entity that couldn’t be held down no matter how much anyone tried.
He plopped down onto the ground, not minding the way the dirt and mud clung to his shorts the way Ryuunosuke seemed to, with how much he’s frowning down on him. In response, he just grinned, already seeing his mother’s face of shock and disapproval once he gets home covered in mud for the third time that week. To a five-year-old boy, worries such as stains and laundries were easy enough to ignore.
“Aren’t you going to sit down too?”
“I don’t want dirt on my clothes,” Ryuunosuke huffed, remaining standing stubbornly. “I’m not like you.”
“Eh, it’s okay, cause I have a mom to clean it for me.” Atsushi leaned his back against the tree, watching the leaves flutter overhead. “Don’t you?”
Ryuunosuke kept quiet, face pinched into an expression that Atsushi couldn’t read. Instead, the white-haired boy stared as those grey eyes flitted down to the black rectangular book that he was holding.
“What’s that?” Atsushi asked curiously, pointing at the object Ryuunosuke was holding. The other boy held it up, blinking.
It was a black, hardbound sketchbook that was the size of Ryuunosuke’s torso. It wasn’t decorated with anything besides the black-haired boy’s surname on the front, but it seemed precious with how Ryuunosuke was holding onto it almost protectively.
“It’s my sketchbook,” Ryuunosuke mumbled, clutching at the said book even tighter.
“A sketchbook? You draw?” Atsushi gushed in awe, leaning closer and making the other back away slightly, almost slipping on the muddy ground. “Can I see?”
“No.”
That one word halted Atsushi’s thoughts just as a strong gust of wind came and almost blew of his hat. Young as he was, he didn’t know how to handle rejection, especially from someone he already deemed his friend.
The distress must have shown on his face because he saw Ryuunosuke looking away with pink dusting his cheeks the next second, one hand coming up to rub at his neck shyly.
“I mean, I haven’t shown it to anyone before…” Ryuunosuke admitted, and the gloom that filled Atsushi’s chest at the harsh rejection of his new friend was gone as quick as it had come.
“Is it full of secrets?” Atsushi asked curiously. The sun beat down onto his back, making him squirm uncomfortably.
“Well, sort of.” Ryuunosuke looked thoughtful as he traced the spine of the sketchbook. From what Atsushi could see, the pages looked as if they were already yellowing, some poking out further than the others, and he silently wondered if it was actually a family heirloom that had been passed down to Ryuunosuke.
“Will you show it to me someday?”
The question seemed to startle the older child, and he looked at Atsushi in alarm. Atsushi merely stared back, curious as to why he’d look so surprised, before Ryuunosuke let a small smile pull at his lips.
“Aren’t you going play with the rest of the children?”
Atsushi, easily distracted, turned to look at said children on the playground at a short distance away, hearing the raucous laughter and cheers even from his place. He hummed, thinking about it, before turning back to look at Ryuunosuke.
A finger gun held to his face greeted him.
There was something in Ryuunosuke’s eyes that Atsushi was too young to name, too inexperienced to pin down, but it still brought a shiver down his spine. He laughed nervously.
“What are you doing?”
Ryuunosuke was all-smiles, so unlike the somber look that he was met with just a few minutes ago. The smile spoke of years of familiarity, the meaning of which completely evaded Atsushi, but it allowed him to relax, warming him up more than the sun ever could.
“Playing.” Ryuunosuke’s answer was brief but light, and soon, Atsushi was laughing.
“Oh no!” Atsushi humored, rising to his feet and gripping onto his plushie tighter, feigning fear despite the huge smile on his face.
“Are you going to shoot me, Ryuunosuke?”
Atsushi turned with a soft smile, the breeze from the sea making his black coat and red scarf flutter in it in a tuneless dance. He saw Ryuunosuke’s eyebrows furrow, his suspicious frown never leaving his face from the start of their walk to the end of it, and now they both stood at a pier. Nothing but the sound of waves crashing against rocks could be heard.
“You’re still not making any sense,” Ryuunosuke grumbled, his sharp tone easily carrying over the noises of the night. “I don’t have a gun with me.”
“You never needed an actual gun before.”
It was vague enough to make it seem like Atsushi was referring to all the other battles they’ve had all over Yokohama, to make it seem as if he was making a jab at Ryuunosuke’s ability. Atsushi thought it fit a detective well—Rashomon was able to apprehend culprits without having to kill them, and it had the bonus of a dragon’s head that could devour the space, the path of whatever bullet or knife that tried to injure him.
But of course, that’s not what he truly meant. Atsushi didn’t know when or how it started, but memories that didn’t quite fit the world, the darkness that he knew his entire life. Regardless, he knew they weren’t merely dreams. The emotions he had felt as soon as he woke up couldn’t have been anything that he was able to create on a whim.
There was always that one constant, and he was standing in front of him.
“What are we doing here by the sea, Atsushi?” Ryuunosuke asked once again, his hands still shoved into the pockets of the grey coat he wore. That grey coat…it felt unfamiliar and dull, so unlike the eyes that were trained on him.
“We’re going for a swim, of course,” Atsushi sang, gold-purple eyes never leaving Ryuunosuke. “I’m sure you wouldn’t mind.”
“And have you try to drown me? I’m not that stupid.” Ryuunosuke snorted, a challenging smirk replacing the disapproving frown on his lips. “If you want a fight, then ask nicely. Stop playing around.”
The full moon was even brighter here, without the city lights marring her ethereal glow. Atsushi had always found her beautiful even when she caused the beast within him to become even more uncontrollable than it already was. Her reflection in the dark waters of the sea was distorted, creating a version of her that was frightfully eerie, and yet, to Atsushi, it wouldn’t ever be enough to hide her beauty.
“It’s not a fight I want, Ryuunosuke.” Atsushi felt the weight of the world on his shoulders again, and his shoulders slumped, so very weary. “And even so, you’re not going to win.”
Ryuunosuke bristled at the implied threat, his stance changing, and Atsushi quickly stalked forward. As if expecting an attack, Rashomon’s tendrils burst forth from the coat and towards Atsushi, but the latter merely stopped a hair’s breadth away and placed a hand on Ryuunosuke’s cheek.
Everything stilled.
Even the waves themselves seemed to quiet down as Ryuunosuke stared down at Atsushi with wide eyes, frozen in place. Atsushi kept him like that, brushing his thumb against the older man’s cheekbone gently.
“Please listen.”
His homeroom teacher’s voice broke through the haze in a certain white-haired boy’s mind like glass shards, snapping him out of his daze. Atsushi’s gaze broke away from the window and to the front of the classroom, where said teacher and a boy, skin pale as snow making his black hair and the bags underneath his eyes all the more noticeable, stood. Curious, he straightened in his seat, suddenly wide-awake again.
“Class, this is your new classmate. He’s a few months older than you, but him and the principal both decided to be in this class.” The teacher smiled as she looked at everyone. “Akutagawa-kun, please introduce yourself.”
“Akutagawa Ryuunosuke,” was all the new student said before he bowed lowly. This brought upon a sudden flurry of hushed whispers and tiny giggles upon the room, Atsushi being one of the latter. He couldn’t help it when the newcomer looked so constipated, as if being put under the scrutinizing stares of those who were supposed to be a bit younger than him was something he’d really rather not do.
“We look forward to your time here, Akutagawa-kun. Please take the empty seat beside Nakajima-kun—he’s the white-haired boy by the back.”
Atsushi’s smile widened, suddenly feeling inexplicably excited at the prospect of Ryuunosuke sitting beside him. He reached down to scratch at the chin of the white cat in his lap, eyes plastered onto his new classmate. When the latter straightened from his bow, his grey eyes were automatically on Atsushi’s, causing a shiver to rush down the white-haired boy’s spine.
What was that?
Remaining ignorant of Atsushi’s inner thoughts, Ryuunosuke strode to the back of the classroom without breaking eye contact. Atsushi was hyperaware of multiple pairs of eyes pinned to Ryuunosuke’s every move, and a nagging thought that he couldn’t quite put a finger on tugged at him in the back of his mind, chased away as soon as the black-haired newcomer looked away to put his bag down on the unoccupied table at Atsushi’s left.
As if a spell was broken, the teacher then began their class properly, and everyone else’s attention snapped back to the front of the room.
Still, Atsushi couldn’t look away from Ryuunosuke. He watched, fingers brushing down the fur of the cat on his lap, as Ryuunosuke pulled out a black sketchbook from his bag, seemingly set on ignoring everyone, including Atsushi and the teacher. He watched in mounting awe as Ryuunosuke pulled out a box of colored pencils (Atsushi quickly shoved down the giggle that bubbled in his throat at the thought of the guy that looked like his favorite color was black using colors) and started sketching without delay. The sketchbook lay open and unguarded on Ryuunosuke’s table, and Atsushi could see pages upon pages of worn-out paper, stained with colors that did nothing to hide their yellowing state.
Mesmerized, Atsushi watched, trying to be as subtle as he could, as Ryuunosuke’s hand deftly danced on the page he was working on. He paused only to exchange one colored pencil for another before he’s back to work. His eyelashes, long and thick, fluttered as he blinked slower than Atsushi knew to be normal and yet Ryuunosuke somehow made it look graceful. Not even the bags under his eyes were enough to dampen that.
Suddenly, Ryuunosuke’s motions stopped completely.
Startled, Atsushi was about to look away, afraid the other would accuse him of staring creepily, when he saw Ryuunosuke raise his right hand slowly, all but the thumb and the pointer finger curling into a fist, the other still holding onto a white colored pencil. Uncaring of the teacher that was still in the middle of discussing, he lifted the makeshift gun to Atsushi’s face, much to his confusion and surprise. Finally looking up from his sketchbook, Ryuunosuke met his eyes again and smiled.
“Better pay attention to class, Atsushi.”
At the mention of his given name, Atsushi’s confusion only grew, but before he could ask, he felt a sharp pain on his finger and he yelped, looking down at the cat who glared at him in return for his lack of attention.
When he looked back up, sucking on his bleeding finger. Ryuunosuke’s gaze was already set to the discussion in front, the sketchbook stashed away. Well. Atsushi frowned to himself.
If Ryuunosuke thought he could avoid getting questioned, he had another thing coming.
“Akutagawa-san.”
Atsushi stood up before the other could as soon as class ended, the cat curled up in his arms. Ryuunosuke looked guarded again, looking up at Atsushi with a wary expression on his face, but he let out nothing more than a sigh, as if he had expected the white-haired student to come to him all along.
“Yes?” Ryuunosuke hummed nonchalantly, spinning a white colored pencil around his finger. “What can I help you with?”
It took everything in Atsushi to ignore the murmurs and glares sent his way for being the first one to talk to the new kid, keeping his eyes on Ryuunosuke. Atsushi swallowed thickly.
“Well, I wanted to ask you something, if that’s not a bother.” He stroked the cat’s fur to try and relax, gold-purple eyes glued to grey ones.
“Ask away.” Ryuunosuke seemed a bit more intrigued now, and Atsushi saw the most minute of twitching on the other’s lips, as if he was trying not to smile.
Here goes nothing.
“Were you…” Atsushi trailed off, not knowng how to phrase his question without sounding like he’s a madman. Then he sharply decided to just ask it. “Were you drawing me earlier?”
The pencil dropped from Ryuunosuke’s hold, knocking two more (one gold and the other purple) to the ground.
Ryuunosuke’s face was a weird mix of disbelief, shock, exasperation, and embarrassment that gave him that constipated look again which Atsushi would’ve found funny if it weren’t for the mortification that welled up in him as well as soon as the words were out of his mouth.
“I-It’s fine, really!” Atsushi fumbled for words, cheeks reddening as he tried to remedy the situation. “It’s really pretty! I was just, um, wondering…”
Ryuunosuke was still looking at him with that constipated look, causing him to blush to the tips of his ears. What was he thinking?! It seemed he had rendered the other completely speechless, and now he realized he probably shouldn’t have seen the drawing in the first place. He felt like a stalker.
As the silence stretched, Atsushi squirmed on the spot, stroking the cat a bit rougher than he intended. He thought he heard Ryuunosuke mumble something along the lines of “as expected”, but he wasn’t sure so he didn’t press. Instead, he decided to ask the other question that nagged at him for an answer, hoping it wasn’t as intrusive as his first one.
“Um…” he mumbled, collecting whatever confidence he had left, which wasn’t much, to meet Ryuunosuke’s hazy gaze.
“Have we met before?”
They were sitting at the edge of the pier now, the soles of their shoes brushing across the surface of the calmer part of the sea. They sat side-by-side, their shoulders touching, Atsushi’s hand a hair’s breadth away from Ryuunosuke’s own.
The detective’s gaze never left the sky, but Atsushi felt his shoulders tense. “Did you suddenly develop amnesia in the short span of time it took us to walk together, Atsushi?”
In response, Atsushi clicked his tongue in disapproval. Ryuunosuke, the idiot that he was, was still trying to run away, so unlike his mentality in battle that it was infuriating.
“You know what I mean, Ryuunosuke.” Atsushi tilted his head towards the other, frown deep. After a beat, Ryuunosuke met his eyes.
“Do I?”
If it wasn’t for the thin wisps of fog curling out of Ryuunosuke’s mouth, frost-covered spider webs that spoke of old age, Atsushi would think the other had stopped breathing. The night only grew colder that even Atsushi himself was starting to feel it. The detective, on the other hand, looked like he wanted to curl up, but if it’s to hide from the frigid night air or from Atsushi’s equally cold interrogation, the mafioso didn’t know. Although he didn’t let that sway him, he did have to stop himself from clutching the other’s gloveless hand.
It was a feat he found difficult, much to his dismay.
However, no matter how much their surroundings grew cold, the heat between their gazes was unmistakable. Ryuunosuke never looked away first, and despite Atsushi trying to convince himself that it was an act of self-defense, to make sure Atsushi wouldn’t attack when his back was turned (really, Atsushi had more honor than that), but he also knew that it was more than that. Something that ran deeper. He already had his suspicions, of course, but he wanted to hear it from the devil’s mouth himself.
It's not like he could say anything in his defense either. He himself could not, would not, look away from Ryuunosuke, and precisely because he didn’t look away that he saw the cracks appearing in the mask that the detective wore, like cracks appearing on a frozen lake to reveal the cold, dark, painful waters underneath. It made his skin crawl, and he inhaled sharply in anticipation.
Ryuunosuke’s stare changed from guarded to distraught to tired at a frighteningly fast pace, sending Atsushi’s mind reeling. Before he could ask, however, he felt Ryuunosuke’s frozen fingers on his cheek, and he’s rendered speechless as the detective pressed his forehead to his. It was the boldest move he’s ever seen him make, and he couldn’t help but feel warm at the intimacy of it.
He felt more than heard Ryuunosuke chuckle gently, warm breath ghosting his lips, before a whisper followed.
“You never change, do you?”
Atsushi let out a giggle as Ryuunosuke pressed his lips to the bridge of his nose, his face held in the other’s cold hands tenderly. His own hands were around Ryuunosuke’s wrists, squeezing gently to try and get the taller man to release him, to no avail.
“Unhand me, Ryuunosuke,” Atsushi whined playfully, and Ryuunosuke stole another kiss before doing as told, though one hand remained gripped in Atsushi’s insistent hold.
Footsteps matching each other’s, they made their way through trees twisted together in a lover’s hold, dried leaves crunching under their feet. The canopy above completely hid the night sky from them but Atsushi wasn’t afraid of the dark, with Ryuunosuke’s presence behind him and the small glow of the moon lamp in his hand lighting their way.
Soon, the trees grew thin and finally opened into a small clearing, complete with a large pond by a corner with a tiny waterfall trickling into it from a cliff. Giddy, Atsushi put the moon lamp away, deeming the night sky filled with stars bright enough. He turned to look at Ryuunosuke, pleased at the glow in those grey eyes that he had come to love.
“What do you think?” he asked, squeezing the other’s hand. Ryuunosuke smiled at him.
“It’s beautiful,” he admitted, looking around with an approving nod. “This is near Chuuya’s place. Did he tell you about it?”
Atsushi nodded in confirmation, letting go of Ryuunosuke’s hand to patter closer to the pond. “Sort of. I found it and I asked him about it.”
“A magnificent find.”
Atsushi beamed, his cheeks pinking slightly at the compliment. He turned his back to the other, staring down at his reflection while simultaneously admiring the way the water seemed to sparkle with a thousand unseen jewels. He reached down to touch the surface with his fingers, creating a ripple.
“He said it’d be perfect for our honeymoon,” he whispered as he retracted his hand, reaching instead for his shoulder as he cast a glance over it and at Ryuunosuke. He batted his eyelashes despite the redness of his cheeks. “But, well, I couldn’t wait until the wedding night.”
With that, he gently pulled his sleeve down to reveal pale skin. He saw Ryuunosuke swallow thickly at the sight and he smiled, all nervousness gone as he continued to shed his clothes, taking his time, before lowering himself into the water. He almost let out a groan at its warmth.
“Join me?” he asked slyly, lifting a hand out of the water towards Ryuunosuke. The latter took it before bending close and capturing his lips in a searing kiss.
A while later, they sat by the edge of the pond, their cloaks their only shield from the breeze. Atsushi didn’t feel cold, however, not in Ryuunosuke’s embrace. One of the older man’s fingers were tangled gently in his wet hair while the other held both of his hands, and he couldn’t help but sigh contentedly as he felt Ryuunosuke’s lips on his temple. He lifted his left hand out of the other’s hold to trace the teeth marks on his shoulder where Atsushi bit him at the height of his ecstasy, fingers lightly tracing where blood had clot, most probably from his canines, in a silent apology. Another kiss was pressed to the crown of his head in response.
“You must be hungry.”
Atsushi looked up after speaking, meeting Ryuunosuke’s scrutinizing gaze. Then, Ryuunosuke’s lips pulled up into a teasing smile.
“I don’t know, Atsushi. I think I’ve had plenty to eat.”
His face erupting into a violent blush, Atsushi smacked his lover’s arm for the comment before pulling away to walk to a nearby fig tree amidst Ryuunosuke’s chuckles.
Atsushi took his time picking out the ripe figs, knowing exactly which ones Ryuunosuke enjoyed eating. He took about five, which was as much as he could carry in one arm while holding on to his cloak with the other. As he adjusted his hold on the figs, he looked down onto his left hand, smiling widely at the sight of the ring on his finger.
Satisfied with his find, he turned around to announce it when he paused at the curious position that Ryuunosuke held.
In his lap was the black sketchbook he carried everywhere. His full attention was on the page he was working on, his hand seemingly flying on it at blurry speeds that Atsushi was sure was enough to make the quill he was using fly off on its own. Ryuunosuke’s ring, the one that matched Atsushi’s, glittered amidst the flurry of movements.
His other hand, however, was lifted upwards towards Atsushi. The latter blinked curiously, not quite understanding what it meant, with Ryuunosuke’s pointer finger and his thumb jutting out.
“Um, what are you doing?” Atsushi asked, an uneasy smile appearing on his face. He was about to step forward when Ryuunosuke’s gaze snapped to him, and Atsushi saw a tiredness that held multiple lifetimes’ sufferings in them.
And then, Ryuunosuke smiled in the dark.
Somehow, the moonlight was more than enough for Atsushi to see it, no matter how small. He was still held in Ryuunosuke’s gentle embrace, his throat thick with emotion he couldn’t make sense of, and he didn’t know what to think of the sudden change in the way Ryuunosuke regarded him.
Ryuunosuke was nothing but fierce in the battlefield. Whatever mercy he could spare was only because of the nature of his work—he didn’t kill, but he sometimes came close to. He would strangle or smother his target with Rashomon, but he didn’t shed blood, no. If he did, his light coat would’ve been ruined, marked with the stain of his sin.
But now, as Atsushi stared at Ryuunosuke’s face, the rough edges and inky shadows were gone, replaced with a surprisingly tender fondness that was more alike to the Ryuunosuke in the disjointed memories his nights had been plagued with quite recently wore. It made his chest ache with emotions that he didn’t know he was capable of, as if they had all been locked up and hidden away until that very moment, when they all decided to burst forth.
And then, as if that wasn’t enough, Ryuunosuke then tilted his head down and pressed a kiss to his forehead.
The gesture seemed to snap Atsushi awake, and he jumped back as if burnt. He would’ve fell into the water if it wasn’t for Rashomon wrapping itself around his wrists, catching him in a gentle hold so unlike its usual treatment of him.
“What are you doing?” Atsushi hissed quietly, and he was thankful for the darkness of the night that hid his red cheeks. Still, he heard Ryuunosuke chuckle as the detective positioned him back safely before pulling away. “Why are you laughing?”
“If you’re acting this way, it means it worked.” Ryuunosuke was still smiling at him infuriatingly, and all the tenderness Atsushi felt for the man was quickly doused with suspicion.
“What worked?” Atsushi asked with narrowed eyes. Ryuunosuke hummed, putting his hands in the pockets of his coat to escape the biting cold.
“How much do you remember, Atsushi?”
At the question, Atsushi frowned deeper. To be fair, he didn’t actually remember that much, just snippets that only made sense if put together in what seemed like the chronological way, depending on the age they both appeared to be in the memories.
“Not much,” he admitted. Ryuunosuke looked at him curiously. “Just flashes. Individually, they can’t have been more than a few minutes to an hour long.”
“Flashes of?”
“A life together. A life we both lived together. We met as children, then went to the same high school together…” Atsushi trailed off, not sure if he understood the next memory right.
“Go on,” Ryuunosuke urged gently, so Atsushi did.
“Then us as adults, barely older than us now with rings… in a secluded clearing in a forest. I said something about a wedding night.” Atsushi omitted a part, but of course, there was no way he was going to say that out loud. “We were engaged.”
A long bout of silence followed Atsushi’s recollection of almost all that he’d seen so far. Ryuunosuke had his head tilted up towards the sky, his pale skin glowing in the moonlight, his eyes closed. A pleased smile tugged at his lips.
“What are those, Ryuunosuke?” Atsushi pressed, annoyed at the lack of response from the other. “Are they true? Was that… Was that our past life?”
Ryuunosuke then let out a snort then a bark of laughter. Suddenly mortified, Atsushi bristled, about to defend himself, when he saw the first tear fall from eyes squeezed shut. Ryuunosuke laughed and laughed and more and more tears followed the first one, and all Atsushi could do was to stare, dumbfounded.
Finally, after a while, Ryuunosuke calmed down enough to look at Atsushi again, his lips trembling despite the wide grin that pulled at it.
“Do you know what day it is today?”
Atsushi frowned as he sat up in bed, feeling worse for wear. There was a crisp white envelope on his bedside table, and he reached for it, already having memorized the details within. Still, he opened the letter inside, tracing the calligraphy in gold ink with his thumb.
Of ██████ Ryuunosuke and ████████ Ichiyou’s union, two weeks later.
There were already dried tears on the letter, messing some of the perfectly-written sentences up, and Atsushi was tired. He wished he could just sleep, but something in him was forcing him out of bed, to go prepare. To go. To sail. To hurry.
So he did.
A week later, as if the waves and the tides cooperated to bring him there faster, Atsushi arrived. He tuned out all the welcoming cheers of some people who had noticed his arrival, not finding it in him to be able to fake even a small smile.
He hadn’t been there for a few years. So many things, and yet none at all, had changed during his absence, and Atsushi didn’t know if it was because of the union that was being held or if he had actually been gone for too long. It wasn’t like he wasn’t welcome there anymore—he just felt it too painful to go back.
Too many treasured memories soiled by one sentence that shattered his heart.
He wondered if Ryuunosuke would be surprised. He wondered if Ryuunosuke never expected him to come, despite the invitation that was sent to him—well, to his father—as if hearing about it through word of mouth wasn’t bad enough. He wondered…and yet he knew he didn’t have it in him to actually talk to the older man. It was too much.
The wedding bells tolled in the distance.
Atsushi took his sweet time going to the church by foot, getting himself late on purpose to avoid having to go inside. He didn’t think he’d be able to sit through it, so he stood beside the double doors that marked the entrance of the church instead, hands in the pockets of his coat and fighting off a migraine that decided to worsen his mood. From that distance, he could hear the vows said.
“Until death do us part,” Ryuunosuke vowed from inside.
“Until death do us part,” Atsushi repeated from outside.
As the priest announced the couple husband and wife, Atsushi tore himself away from his position against the wall, taking a deep breath and trying to blink the tears that welled in his eyes away. He crossed towards the other side, giving him a full view of the kiss shared by the newlyweds, before he broke into a sprint, back to his ship.
What did he think would happen? That suddenly, his presence on Ryuunosuke and Ichiyou’s wedding day would somehow give him the fairytale ending he had longed for? He must’ve been even stupider than he expected himself to be. Sniffling, he ignored the hands that reached out to help him aboard.
“Take me home,” he all but pleaded to the ship’s captain, and the old man nodded in understanding before barking his orders.
Rubbing at his eyes in frustration, he tried to keep the tears at bay but failed. Soon, he was a sobbing mess by the ship’s starboard, crying loudly into his hands just as the last of the sun’s rays disappeared over the horizon.
Soon after, Atsushi stood up.
His steps made the rickety pier creak ominously as he started to walk back to shore, his hands balled into fists. He blinked and felt wetness drop to his cheeks, and he muttered about rain even though not a single cloud covered the twinkling stars in the sky. He heard Ryuunosuke stand up behind him and he hastened his pace.
“Atsushi, wait—“
The Port Mafia boss whirled around, the gun he had previously held back in his hand and pointed straight at Ryuunosuke.
Both of them stood rigidly. Ryuunosuke’s face was pinched into one of shock while Atsushi’s was morphed into one of practiced emptiness. He focused on the cold metal of the gun that he could feel even through his thick glove, as well as the steel spikes that dug into the flesh on his neck. He focused on that physical pain because he wasn’t sure if he could handle the emotional pain the last memory brought. He couldn’t. He knew he couldn’t.
Ryuunosuke was close, too close. The muzzle of the gun pressed against the bridge of his nose and yet he did nothing but stare, not at the gun but straight at Atsushi. His initial shock was gone, replaced by an almost welcoming sort of acceptance.
Atsushi’s hold on the gun trembled.
“I love you.”
He closed his eyes then pointed down, squeezing the trigger twice.
“Bang! Bang!”
Atsushi playfully groaned as he allowed himself to fall backwards into the mud, his tiger plushie falling beside him. His hat stayed on. Ryuunosuke looked amused, his finger gun still poised to “shoot.”
“You’ve gotten dirty now,” Ryuunosuke pointed out even as Atsushi sat up again, not minding the mud that clung to his back and hair. “How am I supposed to let you touch my sketchbook?”
At that, Atsushi bolted up, almost slipping again in his haste, causing Ryuunosuke to chuckle once more.
“You’re really going to show me your drawings?” Atsushi asked eagerly, eyes bright in excitement. “Your secrets?”
“Mhm.” Ryuunosuke nodded. “But only if you tell Kouyou-sensei to help you get clean. Only then will I allow you to touch the sketchbook.”
Atsushi was curious about the way Ryuunosuke spoke, like he was an adult instead of a six-year-old child, but the promise of the sketchbook was more than enough to get him running back to the classroom, hollering for his teacher.
Once he was gone, Ryuunosuke’s smile disappeared to. His gaze dropped down onto the sketchbook in his hands before he walked down the tiny hill he was on and towards a bench by the school’s entrance, where he was sure Atsushi would see him as soon as he’s out. There, he sat, placing the sketchbook on his lap and fishing for a box of crayons from his bag.
He then opened the sketchbook. He carefully rifled through the pages, past a watercolor painting of an orange sunset with a ship containing a white-haired boy with a glittering crown on his head sailing away, past a monochromatic sketch of a secluded clearing in a forest with fairies flittering about a naked wizard holding a bunch of figs, past a piece drawn with colored pencils of a high school student in a brown uniform with a tiny tiger cub on his lap staring in awe at him. Aside from the white-haired boy, the only other constant in the drawings was his own right hand, fingers curled into a makeshift gun and pointed at Atsushi’s chest. White-sleeved, tattooed and naked, brown-sleeved, it didn’t much matter.
“Cool…”
Ryuunosuke jumped at the voice in his ear, almost dropping the sketchbook into the mud. He turned and saw Atsushi’s bright face over his shoulder, grinning at him playfully before turning his attention back to the sketchbook.
“Did you draw all of that?” he asked, all childish innocence and curiosity.
“I—“ Ryuunosuke wanted to deny, since it wasn’t him per se, at least not his current self, but decided against it. “Yes.”
“I saw a prince, then a wizard, then a student with an “Ultimate Breeder” label…” Atsushi muttered, taking a seat beside Ryuunosuke eagerly. He then let out a giggle, poking the other’s cheek.
“You think you’re so subtle,” Atsushi teased, much to Ryuunosuke’s chagrin. “But you work really fast. I can’t believe you already drew me that much, and all grown up too!”
The sun shone brightly despite the lateness of the day, casting shadows on Atsushi’s smile as he shook Ryuunosuke’s hand again, his laughter digging into Ryuunosuke's heart and twisting at it.
“You have a really wild imagination, Ryuunosuke.”