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Months of tedious Ministry meetings clearing his name, mind healer appointments, detoxing from alcohol, and the end of a war had slowly eased Sirius' state of mind after all the years spent in Azkaban had nearly torn his sanity from him. The thing between him and Remus was slow burning— helped by all of the quiet moments in Grimmauld and later, after the war, in Remus' small cabin in the country. It started normally, platonically even, with friendly touches and reassurances. A hand on the shoulder to steady him, a palm pressed to lower back slipping by in the cramped cabin kitchen, a foot nudging another under the table.
Remus was patient, Sirius knows that. He just doesn't want him to wait for so long and still be disappointed.
Still, Remus let Sirius set the pace. Sirius does finally make a move and kiss Remus one night while they quietly read on the couch. Sirius had started laying sideways to press his feet against Remus' leg and earning a small huff of a laugh and a smile from the other man, but he never pulled away. The kiss was soft and tentative at first, almost fearful. They had never managed to cross the line from friendship into something more when they were younger; and then the looming war and thoughts of spies among them kept it at bay.
Remus doesn't push or advance any further, seemingly content to spend the rest of his life snogging and holding hands. Sirius is thankful, of course; but he wants more.
The problem of his possibly permanent erectile dysfunction was a looming one, though. Spending twelve years in a prison meant to literally suck your soul out apparently had a lasting effect on ones biology.
It was almost more infuriating that his libido was still intact— he WANTED to make the move to the next stage of the relationship— and he knew Remus wanted it too with how often he got hard after they spent an afternoon kissing in bed. Still, Remus never pushed, never touched anywhere he wasn't entirely sure he was allowed.
It sort of surprised Sirius that he hadn't said anything about the lack of reaction from Sirius' cock. Remus had to have noticed— there was more than one occasion now where they had ended up pressed close, snogging each other within an inch of their lives, Remus' hard cock pressed firmly into Sirius' hip and Sirius' soft one lay there with not even a twitch.
Eventually, he had enough skirting around the subject and with a true show of Gryffindor bravery he addressed the flaccid elephant in the room at the dinner table after they had finished and were sitting and talking.
"So," Sirius begins, hands clasped tight on the table top as he glances over at Remus, who sits up a bit straighter at the change of tone. "I wanted to.. talk about something."
Remus nods slowly, eyebrows slightly furrowed. "Of course."
Sirius takes in a deep breath, forcing the words out all at once. "I want to go further— like, snogging is fucking great, of course but— I don't want you to think I don't want more, you know? I just, my body its— fucking Azkaban. I almost lose my mind and now I've apparently lost control of my body instead." He laughs, bitterly, the words not coming out the way he intended after all.
Remus just hums, clearly thinking it over. "Is.. there anything I can do to help?" He looks over Sirius face, his own full of concern.
Sirius huffs, running a hand through his hair and wincing when his fingers catch on a tangle. He picks it apart slowly, strand by strand, as he continues.
"Just.. be patient with me.. and don't make fun of me," he looks up sheepishly at the frown he already knows will be on Remus' face. "I know, I know, you wouldn't. I just.. my bits don't really.. work anymore?" He sighs, running a hand over his face. "Why is this so bloody difficult to admit.."
Remus bites his lip, eyes searching Sirius' face in concentration before he speaks again. "So, you're worried I'll be.. what, disappointed that you can't get hard, or something?"
Sirius flushes, suddenly feeling embarrassed. "Yeah, that pretty much covers it." He puffs out a breath, angling it to blow the hair away from his face. "I think you've probably realized that I haven't gotten hard once since we've started.. whatever, you know. I want to, it's just.. my body doesn't do anything. I've tried jerking off— nothing. Not even a twitch, even though it feels good."
Remus just nods, silent as he taps one finger on the table, obviously mulling over what to say. He clears his throat, suddenly looking bashful. "Well. You, uh, you won't have to worry about that being a turn off or anything, I assure you."
Sirius looks up at the words, the flush on Remus' face catching his interest. He doesn't say anything, just raises a brow in an effort to get Remus to elaborate.
Remus sighs, running a hand through his hair. "Merlin— I, well.. I sort of have a bit of a thing for, um. You know." He waves his hand as if that explains everything.
Sirius squints at him. "I'm pretty sure I don't know, Moons."
Remus scowls at him, still flushed. "You're really going to make me say it?"
Sirius grins at that, the reaction making him forget about his own shame for a moment as he leans forward over the table. "I think I am. Go on, you can do it."
Rolling his eyes, Remus takes in a breath. "Ithinksoftcocksarehot." He blurts out all at once, wincing. "Not that— I don't mean I dislike it when they aren't of course—." He covers his face with both hands now, hiding from the shit eating grin on Sirius' face.
"So you mean to tell me all this time I could have been letting you play with my limp dick and you'd have thanked me for it?" Sirius asks, eyebrows raised in humor as he tries to catch Remus' gaze.
Remus glares at him through his fingers. "Shut up. But also yes."
Sirius, now feeling emboldened, leans further over the table. "So— how did you figure that out? Genuinely, not making fun— I want to know."
Remus licks his lips, eyebrows creased as he mulls over his answer. "I suppose it started when I realized I liked to see them get hard, I guess? Something about that just.. I dunno, it turned me on seeing the evidence of it. But.. well, the more I thought about it the more I just enjoyed it either way, and I guess the.. taboo of enjoying that made it even better." He shrugs, flush fading a bit.
Sirius just nods— he doesn't necessarily feel that way himself, but he can see the logic behind it. He also can't complain— this really is the best case scenario for him; even if he is never able to get hard again Remus doesn't seem to mind. Plus, he generally prefers to bottom anyway so it's not like that was a big deal either. "Well. It's too bad we have lunch plans with Harry today or I'd be testing that claim right now."
Remus groans and smacks his head against the table as Sirius cackles in delight, shame momentarily forgotten.
That night after getting back to the cottage, just a little tipsy, they both stumble into the bedroom and Sirius pulls Remus' jumper over his head before falling back onto the bed and letting Remus divest him of his trousers. Sirius strips off his shirt, watching as Remus steps back to remove his own trousers— his cock is already straining at the fabric of his boxer briefs, a little wet spot where the tip is leaking through. Palming over his own soft cock through the fabric of his boxers, biting his lip as he watches Remus look him over slowly.
"Fuck— you're so fucking hot it's unfair. Should be illegal, actually." Remus mutters, almost to himself, before approaching the bed and hooking his fingers under the waistband of Sirius' boxers, pausing until Sirius nods. He slips them down and tosses them off to the side, eyes roaming over his bare skin fully now. Sirius' cock lays against his thigh, still soft but clearly engorged somewhat, surrounded by a thick patch of dark hair. The sight was enough to make Remus start salivating.
Sirius felt himself flush— fuck he was horny, he knew it, but his body just didn't react. He lazily pulls at his dick, the limp flesh squishy and malleable. It sends tingles down his legs but it just wasn't quite enough for it to start to react. Remus, on the other hand, was pressing a firm palm to his clothed erection almost as if he was trying to tame it.
Remus crawls onto the bed and follows Sirius as he scoots back so he can lay down with his head on the pillows, Remus' hands sliding up his legs and rubbing his thighs softly, brown eyes flicking between Sirius' cock and face. "Can I.. suck you off?" He asks, lip caught between his teeth.
Sirius groans, the mental image making his stomach squirm. "Fuck, please Moony."
Remus just nods and lays himself down between Sirius' legs, resting his cheek on his hip for a moment as he finally takes Sirius' length in his hand. Sirius is by no means a small man and was decently equipped even flaccid, but his cock was basically engulfed in Remus' large hand.
Wasting no time, Remus leans in and wraps his lips around the entirety of Sirius' dick, tongue immediately swirling around the head as he gently sucks. Sirius moans, legs tensing— he thought he might have felt some movement, but it was too difficult to tell. His hand shoots to Remus' hair, carding his fingers through the curls and pulling just slightly— not enough to hurt or direct, but still firm.
Remus moans at the contact, sending vibrations through Sirius' cock in his mouth. He doesn't move, just rests his head on Sirius' thigh and breathes steadily through his nose as he begins sucking rhythmically. Sirius whimpers, toes curling at the pleasure— it was already much better than trying to jerk off, that was for sure.
Remus suddenly shoves his hand beneath himself and shifts onto his side, ripping his own boxer briefs down and freeing his flushed cock to slap noisily on his stomach, immediately squeezing himself at the base as he tries to stop himself from coming right there before beginning to slowly stroke himself. The visual makes Sirius moan again, coupled with the constant suction and tongue movements making him notice a definite twitch— he was nowhere near hard yet, but there was some movement down there, at least.
Remus' eyes flick up to look at Sirius' face and he moans, shutting them tight and burying his face in Sirius' crotch, nose bent from the force of it. His hand is moving even faster now, using his thumb to spread the precum leaking steadily from his slit to ease the friction, the sound getting louder at it gets wetter.
Sirius is fascinated by just how fervently Remus was getting himself off, apparently entirely fueled by the soft cock in his mouth; and if the increase in suction and tongue movements meant anything, Remus was already getting close.
Words spill out of him before he realizes. "Fuck, Moons. You are so perfect, you know that? Sucking my soft cock like it's the best thing in the world, getting yourself off just with that. You were made for me, I just know it." He murmurs the last bit softly, fondly. Remus just nods, eyes squeezed shut as his hand picked up its pace.
"It feels so good, Moony, your mouth on me— fuck, even if I never get hard again, I could die happy with your lips wrapped around me." He admits breathily, feeling his cock give another valiant twitch. It was definitely somewhat chubbed up now, though he can tell it's still soft and pliable by the way it moves in Remus' mouth when he sucks.
Remus whimpers, eyes opening to look up at Sirius and with a gentle pull to his hair he moans loudly around the cock in his mouth, eyes rolling back in his head as he spills over his own fist. The first shot splatters on Sirius' thigh, the rest dripping out over his hand. Meanwhile the suction on Sirius' cock increases and the sight of Remus losing it is just what he needs to push himself over the edge.
Sirius lets out a strained moan, legs tensing as he feels himself spill into Remus' mouth— cock still seventy five percent soft— but it's quite possibly the best orgasm he's had in a long, long time. Remus hums approvingly, his eyes now shut in contentment as he swallows around Sirius before finally pulling off with a soft pop. Panting, he rests his head on Sirius' thigh as he runs his fingers through Remus' hair. Remus flicks his hand to wandlessly vanish the cum on his hand and Sirius' thigh after a long moment catching his breath.
Finally, Remus manages to speak. "Holy fuck. That was so fucking hot." He mutters, eyes fluttering open to look up at Sirius. "I could feel it every time you twitched. I could do that for hours if you let me."
Sirius can't help but laugh, fond. "You really are amazing, you know? Feel free to put my dick in your mouth literally any time."
Remus hums, seemingly taking the comment to heart as he leans forward and wraps his lips around the still damp cock in front of him. Sirius sucks in a breath— it wasn't exactly overstimulating, but it was still sensitive. Remus seems to anticipate this, though, because he doesn't suck hard or move his tongue much, instead letting the length sit on his tongue as he closes his eyes like he's about to nap.
Sirius stares at the ceiling of the bedroom, hand still petting gently over Remus' head, contemplating just how lucky he is to have this man.