Work Text:
A pent-up sort of aggression.
Where one thing lead to another, they end up fulfilling desires they didn't even know they had.
'Hey, Namsu!' Thanos' body slammed onto Namgyu's shoulder. He hated it, Thanos couldn't get his name right and it angered him. Was it intentional though? He actually wasn't sure. 'It's Namgyu.' A slight smug smirk was earned at that, Thanos was pushing his buttons. He felt it. He had so much pent up adrenaline, he had no stress relief. He could touch himself, sure, but that was more energy than it was worth. He hated it but he knew that Thanos could see right through him, he knew exactly what to say and do to get himself riled up. 'Hey, Namsu. The bathroom is pretty empty right about now..~' He said this in a teasing tone but also a serious one. Even though he wouldn't admit it, every time that he had interacted with Namgyu outside the games, his sad attempt at flirting was rejected. He took whatever scraps he was offered. One night stands, no attachment, friends with benefits, all with the exception that he was allowed to top, every time. Of course, this was agreed to. Which made him feel so superior towards Namgyu, which he knew the man hated, more than anything. The buttons that he pushed were right. The agreement which he hesitated to agree on was actually beneficial for him. He felt love form, of course he had loved Namgyu even way before this, but now, it felt different. Stronger, even. He knew that he wanted to ditch this 'no attachment' rule, but without Namgyu's agreement, he couldn't. He was stuck loving someone who only lusted after him. Namgyu had given Thanos free drinks every time he visited the club which he was grateful for, since this happened even before their arrangement. He was lingering around Namgyu's presence the whole time, he had tried numerous attempts to get Namgyu jealous. He felt the slight tug at his jumper whenever he flirted with another girl, but the look felt like more of a 'you're fucking me not them.' He didn't know how to cope with being in love, hell, his parents didn't even love him. He barely knew what love was, yet he was yearning for someone who didn't care about him. He just got Namgyu off in all the right ways. He knew the ins and outs that other people didn't. He knew what to say and what to do to get reactions out of Namgyu.
Did Namgyu even care about Thanos? Well, he supposed he did, in his own deformed way yes. The difference is that Thanos knew what love was, yet Namgyu didn't. Namgyu knew what he felt, sure, but did he understand what he felt? Not at all. Feelings weren't foreign to Namgyu but knowing he cared about someone was. When Thanos approached him with the arrangement, he felt the same rush of adrenaline he was feeling now. Something foreign but not unwelcome. He soon snapped back to reality after feeling Thanos tug at his shoulder. The pleading eyes he recognised, he knew that face like the back of his hand and he knew that Thanos was getting needy. Despite being a top, Thanos was sure desperate often. Namgyu didn't mind, Thanos wasn't unattractive and having someone want him was different, it was nice. Where he once had to chase after everyone in his life, he was finally wanted. Nothing could compare to the feeling of loving someone, even when he didn't know what he felt was love. Was it sustainable when founded in a place the complete destruction of love. He had been obstruct from his feelings and when he finally got the chance to embrace them, he was on limited time. He was sure he would die in here, he was okay with it. If it came to a point where death was unavoidable, he'd accept his death. He didn't believe in 'for the greater good.' That was all bullshit that didn't matter when it came down to it. Outside of the game, maybe it would've taken him a lot longer to admit it, but he truly did love Choi Su-Bong. Not Thanos, not any of his personas, him. HIM.
He agreed and allowed himself to follow Thanos into the bathroom stall. The way that Thanos's looked at him made him feel so possessive, something he hadn't felt before. He wanted those eyes to only be on him, forever. He felt almost obsessed in a way that felt so off. The tension between those two in that moment was so dense, and Namgyu locked the door. He had familiarised himself with how Thanos used his body, whilst also memorising where Choi was sensitive. He knew how to get Choi off his rocket and also pleasure himself. 'Hey- There's no lube in this place. . Will you be fine if we do it raw?' Regardless of whether or not he understood his feelings towards Choi, he'd never purposefully put him in harms way. The small nod from Thanos was enough for him, he stuck his fingers in Thanos's mouth, wetting it with the man's salvia. He wet the entrance and slowly slid himself in. Thanos's was straddling his waist and sitting on it with Namgyu sitting on the toilet seat. Usually, they wouldn't be getting intimate like this, they usually had access to the V.I.P areas of the club or even Namgyu's room, but this would have to make-do. Thanos's wasn't as heavy as a man of his height and weight usually are, so he couldn't really complain. This was honestly such a different feeling, since the high from mingle was slowly wearing off. He didn't care though, he relished every single moment of this. His body rocking alone with the rhythm that Choi was going at. He enjoyed every second, feeling Thanos's around him for the first time in days was something he craved so badly. He had missed it more than anything. He had lost track of time and the faint tap sounds in the background had faded away. Everyone else had disappeared, now, it was just the two of them.
He had remembered a conversation that happened between them a couple months ago. He had recently handled Thanos's drug 'money.' The conversation had gone like a lot of their conversations do. The terms of being supplied still was . . inconvenient. The hurried agreement so he wouldn't have to continue sober was something that led him to agree to it in the first place. The animalistic side of Namgyu came out whenever they got it on. The biting and Thanos's neck and marking him black and bruised. They used to do it drunk, but eventually eased into fent without the rough stomach aches. The new drug that Namgyu was supplying Choi with, a type of fent premium. It's almost like a carnal desire to be with each other. Since neither of them have any sexual diseases, they usually do it raw. A type of closeness they crave. Thanos's private moments were rare but all of them were spent with Namgyu. Even with the money he was getting from rapping, it still wasn't enough to cover his debt. He was glad that he was lucky enough to owe Namgyu for the drugs with a method that wasn't money. Otherwise his debt would be more than he could even dream to pay off. The moans that escaped him that night were much louder than any before, even soft echoes in the closed off room. Whilst Namgyu had permanent access to the rooms, he was still oftentimes nervous to go in there. Somewhere he had familiarised the layouts of. Even in such rough moments like these, Namgyu still carried such a gentle tone. One that was enough to make him melt right then and there. Once Namgyu was finished, the moment promptly ended. Thanos left in a daze and his head spinning. That session they had . . it was different. He couldn't describe it though, he just felt a shift. A shift in the way Namgyu looked at him, the slight tug at his hair, Namgyu looking down on Thanos every time he said his name wrong and having to correct the male. The intricate way that Namgyu laid out the forums for his job. He had gone back home with Namgyu, due to his own complex being on the other side of town. He didn't mind.
All in all, Namgyu held Choi very close to his heart. Even when he couldn't show it, he only wants the best for Choi. He sees past the confident rapper façade that he puts up without even meaning to. Regardless if either disagree, but they are soulmates. Their fate is with each other and that is where they'll remain. Two notes hung on the wall of Namgyu's bedroom, one read: To Thanos: I miss you so bad my baby. I'm so so so sorry. I'm so sorry. I will love you forever. This was an unsent message from when they took some time apart due to Thanos going on tour. The other one though, was one he recognised. The penmanship and the silly little face at the end of his note. : To Namgyu : I miss you, I cant stop crying, come back to me, Namgyu, please. Thanos swore he never mailed that. He felt too embarrassed to post it and he didn't want it getting out to the public..
So, did Namgyu have it this whole time? Surely the better question was, how did he get it? It's not like he could question Namgyu, or he'd know that he was snooping. So he pushed the creepy thought to the back of his mind.
Then, Thanos woke up. He didn't even remembering falling asleep. Was that all a dream? No, he knew that that had happened in real life, before they got trapped in this hellhole. That specific memory was an odd one, they had so many other memories with each other. Even when a lot of them were sexual as the foundation of their relationship. He held Namgyu so close to his heart, probably one of the only people he did. Don’t get him wrong, he loved his fans, though sometimes he just needs some Choi time, without having to put up the façade his fans were used to. Namgyu was one of the only people he felt that he could just be himself, with no worry of harming his feelings. Honestly, he loved Namgyu to pieces. He wished that the man reciprocated his feelings. He heard a shuffle atop of him, and he peeped out and saw Namgyu staring down at him. ‘Hey, Su-bong.’ He whistled down. Even when he was the top in their arrangement, they almost always got it on when Namgyu wanted to. I mean, it’s really not like he cared. He loved fucking that stupid smirk of Namgyu’s face, the whimpers he got out of him, the pleasure on his face, it was all such an ethereal experience. One that he was so grateful to share with Namgyu.
'Don’t call me that in here — I don’t want people to know we’re on a personal level.' Thanos looked up at Namgyu who was giving him a weird look. 'Don’t want to, or you’re scared of being outed and called gay?' Choi Su-bong was very fearsome, Thanos wasn’t. If word got out that he was a gay man though, it probably wouldn’t end well for him. He’s barely man enough to admit he was vaping, all the publicity surrounding that was very negative. It ruined his career, he lost all the money he ever earned, all he had left was the fleeting moments of passion he had with Namgyu. He felt sick, his stomach churning. Memories of his father came flooding back. . he’d enter the house, intoxicated as anything, yelling. 'I won’t have a faggot son in m..my house!' The hiccups between talking slowly got louder, his dad throwing bottles at the wall. 'Son, why are you such a PUSSY?' That. That made him freeze up, he felt his breath catch in his throat. 'Dad- Please. .!' He could barely get a sentence out before his dad continued yelling and interrupting him. He was terrified. At heart, Choi Su-bong is just a little boy who wants to run to his mummy when he feels in danger, he wanted those soft arms to wrap around him once more, to tell him he’s loved. Of course, he knew this was a fantasy, it would never happen. His mother was dead. It had been years and he still couldn’t come to terms with it, the woman who mothered him to adulthood never got to see him succeed, a big reason why he took up drugs was to numb himself. Choi Su-bong hated alcohol, he always will. Alcohol turned his once loving father into an aggressive piece of shit, a waste of air. He truly did used to love his father, he couldn’t bring himself to anymore, he saw the aggression, he saw the rage. He witnessed everything. An abused child, will never truly be free. He will always have the memory of watching his father beat his mother until she was black and bruised. The defenceless safe space he once had lost her life in front of his eyes.
'Mummy- MUMMY!' The 10 year old that was forced to grow up too fast, he just wanted love. He hadn’t wanted it to end this way, he just wanted someone to love him for who he was, not put unhealthy expectations on him when he was a kid. He never wanted to be a rapper, he had ran out of options. He hated fame, he wanted a quiet life. He was quickly snapped out of his daze when Namgyu shook him. 'Yo, dude, wake up. It’s voting time.’ He just nodded and stood up, he heard the numbers be called out and as soon as it got to his number. . he voted like usual. He stood on the O side and waited for Namgyu to join him. He wasn’t sure this was the right decision but it wasn’t like he could turn back now. The once confident, overly cocky man had disappeared, he was a bag of nerves. He wouldn’t anyone see it. He felt Namgyu next to him and he felt more at ease, to the blind eye he looked the same. Namgyu knew. With the amount of time he spent with Thanos on a regular, how couldn’t he? He knew that Choi Su-bong was a different person to Thanos. Very different.
After the voting, everything felt more calm. Especially Thanos. He was back to his usual energetic self, after taking one of his fentanyl premium that he snuck into the games. He felt bad letting Namgyu take them, he was a recovering addict and he flung him straight back into the unhealthy habit. He was sitting on the beds with Namgyu after the guards had left. Day 1 was over with. He was partly scared of the games, he knew he would make it through if he had his drugs- but how long would they last? If he died in here, his body would be lost forever, his dad would never see what became of the little boy he emotionally abused and tortured with his life. Every single day, his dad would say that he wished he never had a son. He continued to slander him every day. It got unbearable. The day he was going to kill himself was the day he believed he was saved. He should’ve realised he was just going to wish his dad had killed him already. The childish drawings on the wall reminded him of the same childhood that was robbed from him. He hated every thing about being famous. He became famous way too earlier, so the paparazzi made him scared of flashing lights. It wasn’t too bad, he just remembered those people he desperately wanted to forget. He knew he’d never get the chance to forget them, they’ll always chase after him in his nightmares. 'Thanos! Can we get your autograph!' He hated all of it. He did it for his dad’s recognition and he didn’t even get that.
'Hey, Namsu!' It was yet another day at the club, Namgyu knew the point of correcting the man had became pointless, it was instinctual to. 'Gyu. It’s Namgyu.' He looked up at Thanos. 'What can i get for you today?' He wiped the counter with the dishcloth he had left in the sink. 'The usual!' He knew exactly what that was. Zombie.
1½oz dark rum, 1½oz dark rum, 1½oz 151-proof rum, ¾oz lime juice, ½oz grapefruit juice, ½oz Palernum, 1 dash Angostura bitters, 1 teaspoon Pernod. Thanos absolutely loved this, he got it every time. He whipped it up and served it to Thanos, like he usually did. He knew the stare that Thanos was giving him, he could recognise it anywhere. 'I’m on the clock. I’m not going to rush out to get you whatever it is you want.' With that, a pout was earned from the man. 'Aww- come on!.. Please?’ It was met with a firm shake of the head. Followed by giggles.
Thanos remembered that day, he truly did have so much fun. He forced Namgyu to watch Disney princess movies with him. Whats that? It hurts, please, stop. The pain continued, it got more and more severe, all he could hear was faint yelling. He wasn’t given much time to think before he was sucked into another memory — 'Su-bong? What are you doing here this late?' Namgyu sighed, the man looked absolutely drenched, water was dripping off almost everything. He felt sorrow just looking at him- 'Come in, make yourself at home.' It basically was, Choi spent so much time here. He knew that he wasn’t up for very much talking. 'Okay, put a thumbs up for yes, down for no, okay?' That was agreed silently upon with a nod. 'Okay, is it your father again?’ Thumbs up. 'Is he hitting you again?' Thumbs up. 'Okay, do you wanna stay here tonight? I’ve got a spare bedroom it should be okay-' Choi knew he entrusted the right person, sure, their dynamic was off but even then they still trust each other. He wanted to live in that memory for a bit longer, but he was sucked out before he could even resist. 'Choi, baby.' That was his mothers voice. He froze up, he never thought he’d hear it again. 'Mumma?' He was greeted with a silent embrace, before everything finally went black.
Namgyu saw the sight in front of him, and he froze. He felt his throat close up and he felt himself want to cry, his masculinity was cracking. That’s when he felt his body collapse, he heard a crack before he felt his body go into a state of shock. That’s when he snapped out of his previous dream and rushed down to Thanos’s bunk. Phew, he wasn’t dead. His legs were shaking and he felt himself just zone out. He always knew he cared about Choi as a friend, but maybe it was more than that.
The games were still on, it felt like actual torture. He didn’t want to do it anymore, he had debts to pay off. He was stuck here, even the majority voted to stay, he wasn’t confident enough to stay here long term. ‘Hey, Thanos. Give me a hit, please.' He couldn’t do anything without them, he was nothing without it. He needed one, and he needed it now. 'Please- I’ll blow you-' That made Thanos look up. ‘Namgyu, you’ve become too dependent. It was wrong of me to give it to you knowing you’re a recovering addict. You can end our little agreement over this, but i’m not giving you any more pills.' He had never heard Thanos spoke in such a serious tone, all hope was lost for him as he felt his hands cling onto the player 230 jacket that rested on Thanos. 'Please! I can’t do anything without it- If if I don’t have one, i’ll mess up and die! So please, i’m begging you!' His body seemed to frail compared to how it usually looks, Thanos looked down at Namgyu with such a sure face. 'I told you no.' Namgyu’s face slowly turned into one of fear. 'N-no, there has to be something! I’ll do anything, really!' What a pathetic man, Thanos loved seeing Namgyu begging him for something for once, maybe this was all just a derogatory kink of shaming Namgyu’s masculinity. Namgyu was putty in his hands now. 'Namsu, my boy! If you want one, you gotta say what you know i want to hear.' Oh god. Namgyu knew the exact words that he was going to be expected to say to get the pills.
'Okay, okay.' Namgyu’s face twisted - 'I love you.' The words had emotion in them, but it still felt hollow. 'Do you actually, or do you love the pills i’m providing you with?' The realisation on Namgyu’s face was something that couldn’t be missed. 'I do- I do love you. Yes, the pills are good but if I didn’t at least care for you, would I be here?’ He knew the words were true, could he accept that he was actually loved? He had always wanted to hear the words, but now it just feels so nerve wracking. 'Namgyu-' He didn’t know what to say, he just gave Namgyu a pill. He hadn’t been told ‘I love you’ after his mum died and it actually meaning something. The look in his eyes were that of a similar kind to his mother’s. She had such kind eyes, he couldn’t remember what they looked like, he remembered the look, but now he could only see it in other people. Namgyu. Namgyu was the one person who understood him anymore, he knew that he did truly love him, but having those realisations in hell on earth was scary. He didn’t know if he’d wake up tomorrow, he’d never be buried, nobody would know where he went. . He would just silently be forgotten. He felt his breath hitch, Namgyu had gone to get the food from the guards, leaving him alone. He put his legs to his chest, desperately trying to regulate his breathing but to no avail, he couldn’t calm himself down. He started tugging at places he’d usually cut.
Namgyu came back and laid down his food next to him, he knew that some people don’t like to be touched in that state, so he didn’t know what to do. He just silently hummed a random melody that came to his head and it seemed to do the job.