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“He’s definitely talking about Jin-hyung."
Seokjin’s nose scrunched at the sound of his name. His neck turned from the sofa of the living room, where his arms elongated on the back of the cushions, and looked directly at Jimin and Hoseok from the kitchen counter of the first. Hoseok held in one hand his phone and with the other one covered his mouth, dressed in his signature big heart grin. Jimin giggled as he glanced back and forth from the screen and his hyung.
“I’m sorry, what?” he called, quirking an eyebrow as the other two seemingly ignored him and kept watching the video. Paying more attention, he overheard a low yet wispy voice from a man and a woman in a hard british accent talking.
“Namjoonie-hyung.” explained Jungkook, as he came back from one of the corridors, towel over the shoulder and glimmers of water at the tips of his hair. His bunny smile grew bigger as he peeked at which part his friends were at. “He is talking about you on his new podcast interview.”
“Really!?” that question came more in a high-spitch than he intended to be. Clearing his throat, he adopted a cooler position as Jungkook approached him and sat on the couch next to him, the other two following his steps. “Really? What did he say?”
“That you’re totally his type!” Hoseok dropped the bomb, his finger circling the air towards him as his lips twitched trying to hold back his laughter at his reaction.
“...What?” he blinked out, his lips parted. His heart started to race against his chest, but he tried to keep it as down as possible from the others, who seemed very amused by his reaction.
“Well, he didn’t use your name or called you out exactly, but it’s pretty obvious he is referring to you.” Hoseok continued, his cheekbones marked with enthusiasm. Jimin sat next to Seokjin and searched for the exact moment of the question on the phone so his hyung could listen to it too, while getting his long blonde hair out of his shoulders.
“... You’re trying to pull my leg, aren’t you?” he groaned, still in disbelief.
“No, seriously!” Jungkook nodded, hopping to sit on the back of the sofa as Hoseok attached himself to Seokjin’s hip right before the moment Jimin raised his hand to show the video. “We wouldn’t joke about that!”
“Right.” He shook his head and closed his eyes momentarily, crossing his arms as he paid attention to the interview.
The angle already caught his attention. What was Namjoon doing laying on a couch? It seemed more like he was speaking to a therapist rather than being interviewed. However, as he collected the words, his lips parted and took a deep breath. When he laughed and reminded him of the Namjoon of eight years ago. When the vulnerability and rawness could be felt in the way his words were slow and carefully meditated. Finally, the moment he used those words his friends referred arrived:
“...I want of… Want to see, uhm... like the contradictory image from somebody, because... If somebody can be very very serious, but very very ridiculous and humorous at the same time... maybe I think I might fall in love with some... that person." he explained and laughed it with the woman.
Seokjin let out a small chortle, almost inaudible. His thoughts ran fast just as much as the nerves, with each of the words struck him like a flash. Could it possibly be him who Namjoon was referring to? Nah, it couldn’t…. right?
With the heaviness of his deep-rooted emotions, which have withered enough with reality for countless times, he muffled that possibility fast.
“Guys, come on, don’t be absurd.” he raised his palm up in the air, before Jimin blocked the phone and returned it to Hoseok. “I bet he is referring to any of us.” he defended it, but the color of his ears changing to a cherry red would have something else to say.
“Come on, hyung.” Jimin mimicked his tone, one of his hands on his hips. “Very very serious and very very ridiculous and humorous at the same time? I think there’s no one else from our bandmates that suits that personality better than you.
“Very very serious? Me?” he pointed at himself with his finger, starting to feel the heat surge crawling in the back of his neck.
“You are a relaxed person, but when things have to become serious you’re always there, hyung.” Jungkook squeezed his shoulder, sounding like a compliment instead of a teasing. ”You always strive for social commitment and causes, even if you’re more reserved about it and don’t wanna call attention due to our fame.”
“And Namjoonie-hyung always counted on you when Bangtan was in trouble.” Hoseok remarked. “You took care of the Seoul concert while he was injured pretty well. And you also acted very fast when we were left on our own in that english interview. With that description, it could be Yoongi, but, come on, even I wouldn’t dare to call him ridiculous.”
“What about Taehyung, then? Or any of you?” he popped it, starting to feel his blood heated up. He didn’t want to get angry with this topic and much less with his dongsaengs, but they couldn’t be serious right now.
“Taetae is rather quirky than ridiculous. I’m more balanced, Hoseok is not that silly in general and Jungkook would only get like that if it’s because of someone else… like you.” he punched slightly the shoulder of his hyung with a smile growing looking at the way Seokjin’s cheeks were hinting a shade of pink. “There is no-one else that fits it more than you, hyung.”
They… were making a point. When it came to humour, they knew they could count on Seokjin to crack a laugh. Jungkook had his funny moments, being pretty much a walking meme with many of his reactions, but his humor wasn’t as foolish. When it came to Taehyung, his funny moments were more cute and rather unintentional. Jimin could become dummy very easily, but they were made with intention.
Neither Yoongi and Hoseok would have been called ridiculous, which only left it with the guy that wrote a song about fishing a tuna, that had a whole dictionary of dad jokes printed in his brain and that couldn’t take himself seriously and was the first to break the ice on difficult situations.
But he was also the one that would step in to defend the members on hard times, that would give them discipline when he needed to and the first that went into the military hiatus and handled the fandom by himself for months by giving a great amount of content.
But Namjoon…
He couldn’t just have referred to him.
He couldn’t.
“And couldn’t he actually refer to someone else hypothetically?” he laughed it off, even if there was a part of his chest that soared by considering that option.
“When Taehyungie sent it to me, he said that it sounded like he was talking about someone he’s already into.” Hoseok continued, rising up from the sofa to start getting his belongings. “But who could that be? Namjoon has many friends and it’s been years since he last dated somebody that we know.”
“And when I asked Yoongi about it he told me he agrees.” Jungkook raised his eyes from his own phone, reading it with narrowed eyes and intention, wiggling his eyebrows. “He says that Namjoon is totally talking about you. Without a doubt.”
Damn it, he thought he could count this time on Yoongi to back him up.
Yoongi knew from a long time ago. Sharing a room for so many years left enough time for them to be completely honest with each other and the question about what was up between him and his best friend was one that came out many years ago. The chemistry between them grew back in the pre-debut days, but Seokjin had been swallowing up those feelings for the sake of the band… and because he never thought it would be reciprocated, much less in a society like the one they lived in.
And, after some cups of soju and both drunk in their respective mattresses, he thought it could be a good time to ease them up. He promised to keep the secret, with a gummy smile and a pinky promise that Seokjin made him do, but he guessed it had been such a long time that even Yoongi was starting to get tired of any progress between the two of them. He was the one that solaced him when he found out Namjoon was dating a girl and years later a guy. It was so hard to find a room for himself to cry about it in the military that that night his pillow was pampered in the wet.
“You guys are just imagining things.” he tossed the topic around, got up from the sofa and searched for his baseball cap, starting to get aggravated. “It’s impossible that Namjoon is in love with me.”
Seokjin could have sworn that he saw the three of them sharing conspirational looks of disbelief.
“We could just ask him directly tonight at the dinner, don’t you think?” Jimin teased, his known shit-eat grin pulling up from his lips. Seokjin sent him a glance, a “v” formed between his burrowed eyebrows and had a slight pout on his lips.
“We. Are. Not going to do that.” he finished, placing his cap above his head with barely any care. They were definitely pissing him off and he didn’t want his day to get ruined like this. He took the keys of his car and approached the door. “And, speaking of the dinner, we’re gonna run late unless we get going now, am I wrong? I’m gonna get down and get the car’s engines to start, see ya.”
And with a hard knock, he crossed the door and left. Jungkook, who was just getting his arm inside of the jacket, opened his eyes big, blinking. Hoseok, who was getting his beret with slightly opened lips, looked back at the other two. Jimin was the first one to smirk, followed up by the others.
“I told you he was going to react like that.” He finished his half-up hairstyle and grabbed his oversized jacket, a satisfied expression on him.
“Do you think we were too hard on him?” Jungkook asked, concerned, by getting his bag and ruffling his hair, which was starting to dry.
“Trust me, Kookie.” Hoseok opened the door for the two of them, before Jimin made sure to turn off everything and get back at them, his eyes glistening behind his glasses. “They have been waiting for this longer than we have.”
Namjoon was getting better at driving than he expected.
He had offered to take his bandmates to the meal they were going to share after they got back from their European Leg Tour and to the FIFA World Cup half-time show. After more than a month away from home, they deserved a good old Korean barbecue dinner and loads of soju to ease the heat, the tiredness and sour muscles of the past weeks. Only Yoongi and Taehyung were available to get picked up by him, but at least it was better than anything.
As Yoongi was staring out of the open-window from his co-pilot seat, chin resting on his fist and enjoying the chill of the night, Taehyung was behind them in the middle seat. Just a few minutes ago he was chatting on his phone, being the one checking the group chat and their arrivals, but, right now, he was singing his heart out from the song that was playing on the radio. He was moving his hands and body, eyes closed while feeling it, and Namjoon had enough courage to sing alongside him, earning an endearing smile from the oldest who looked at them with fondness.
Once the song was finished, Namjoon stopped at a red light.
“Wow, Namjoonie-hyung, your Fashion Neurosis interview it’s getting a lot of attention!” Taehyung suddenly exclaimed, making his hyung look up at the rearview mirror to get a glimpse of his boxy smile reading the screen.
“Yeah? That’s great because I was a wreck of nerves during that interview, but I did have a great time.” he confessed, hands still on the wheel, right on the position the traffic regulations recommended: not an inch lower or higher. Easier than perpendicular parking.
“It was a really good one, you were sincere from the bottom of your heart and I believe many people, not only Army, will appreciate yourself as a person even more”. Yoongi commented, turning towards him to spot the little dimple popping at the side of his lips. “Although, you should see us on the interview left on our own speaking english…”
“Oh, that one? You told me it was pretty chaotic without me wasn’t it?” he laughed it off.
“You should check it out as well we… Well, we really tried our best.” Taehyung nodded and scratched the back of his head, kinda embarrassed by his poor English level skills. Namjoon laughed out loud, still thankful that his friends didn’t mind his absence to participate in the podcast that evening. “I wish you could have tried a few of the dishes with us, although there are some parts of your interview that are really blowing up on social media…"
“Really? Which ones?” The light turned green and Namjoon started the engines.
“You being a leader and your metaphor about the couch and the open windows it’s really a good one…” Yoongi nodded in silence, Namjoon starting to get shy about it. “You and your parents and how they raised you, they are finding it very cute… But the cherry on top is the one you talk about Jin-hyung directly, now, that is the favorite!”
Namjoon blinked, not getting the giggles of his two friends who just nodded at each other with knowing looks.
“What do you mean? I don’t recall mentioning Jin-hyung particularly. I did talk about you introducing me to the museums, but about Seokjin?”
“You know the part!” Taehyung continued, excitedly. “When she asks you about your ideal type when falling in love?”
Namjoon’s eyes popped and his hold on the wheel tightened.
“Yeah,” Yoongi continued, an eyebrow raised and a crooked smile. “when you say you would fall for someone ridiculous and serious at the same time, you’re clearly talking about Seokjin.”
Namjoon didn’t stop the car right there in the middle of the road because he knew he had two other people's lives at risk if he did it. However, he did turn the flashing right light and found a place to park. Immediately.
Yoongi and Taehyung couldn’t properly process their confusion before Namjoon turned towards them in a panicked face.
“What do you mean that I was clearly talking about Seokjin??” he sounded rather confused than angry.
“Uh… So, I guess you didn’t mean it that way?” Yoongi’s eyes narrowed, searching for any type of unspoken answer. He released his grip from the handle once Namjoon had clearly stopped, while Taehyung took his hands out of his chest and sighed deep in relief. “Were you talking about someone in particular that we don’t know?”
“No, I mean…” Namjoon’s eyes were going in different directions, thinking fast. “I was being honest, I really feel like that when it comes to me liking someone, but that’s pretty much what I have recollected based on my experience in my twenties…”
“But did you know it sounds exactly like Jin-hyung? You didn’t even consider it?” Taehyung questioned, with Yoongi making a curious smile and crossing his arms.
“I… I guess I didn’t think it like that…” he finally said. Yet, Yoongi knew him too well and he noticed the clench of his jawline and Taehyung squirmed his eyes when his expression turned way too serious suddenly.
“Are you sure?” Namjoon nodded, avoiding their stares, but Taehyung wasn’t going to end it there. “Uh, now that I come to think about it, Jaecheol…”
“What about him?” how tone lowered an octave and his fists appeared at the mention of his ex-partner.
“Well, he wasn’t exactly any of that, wasn’t he?” he landed his chin on his hand, Taehyung getting already on turbulent waters. Yoongi sent him a look, pleading with him to be careful. Namjoon released air through his nostrils.
“Not really, no… Whether I want it or not, he also helped me in the process of knowing what I want or not in a relationship. And I haven’t really had the time to hang out with anyone, really, so it was more of a bottom of the heart unconscious answer than something I was pin-pointing at someone.”
“Aham.” Yoongi nodded, his smile growing bigger and Taehyung bit his lips in excitement.
“Can we… not talk about this right now? Did Seokjin-hyung ask you two about this?”
“Nope.”
“Not at all.” Both shook their heads, but Namjoon was still concerned about their interest on that topic, pursuing his lips. “Look, we’re gonna be late for dinner, we don’t have to talk about this right now, okay?” Yoongi tried to ease it up.
“And you promised us a good ride trusting you on the wheel, right?” Taehyung followed, earning some dimples as he patted his shoulders.
Namjoon breathed in again. The image of his hyung and the words he said around a month ago made total sense in his mind, of course they did. He didn’t smile during the interview just because he was thinking of a hypothetical person, but rather he had a clear face of what he had been searching for in his mind.
It had come out years ago when he was having a meal with Hoseok, both discussing their types. And it was between the strong and catchy laughter of his friend that he pointed out how much it matched Seokjin’s description. It made him gobsmacked by that time and to stay awake up until the morning staring at the ceiling. Only then, he started to see Seokjin with different eyes.
Eyes that melted in honey sugar and a yearning and longing that eroded his edges, turned into the muse of marble and bone that could never be his.
Into a sentiment that was stripped out from his hands by national priorities and a camouflage suit.
Into finding comfort in a guy that thought could be his actual match, but it turned out to tumble down all his walls into pieces and made his vision clear.
Into rediscovering the comfort and warmth of his hyung, with those pink plushy lips, almond shaped eyes and the crinkles and upper teeth that came when he smiled, bathing him like the moonlight remedy of his insomnia and stress.
But any of them needed to know that.
Not even Seokjin.
As Namjoon finally re-started the engines, Taehyung and Yoongi shared glances, a bit disappointed by their small achievement. Perhaps they were going to need to fan the flames so their under control fire could run.
When they finally got into the restaurant, Namjoon had to hold his horses so as not to smack his friends, who teased him about how glad they were that they arrived safe and sound there. Gladly, Jimin and Hoseok were nice enough to compliment him just enough while they entered the place.
The dinner at the restaurant went as good and chaotic as the seven of them usually were at their gatherings. It had been more than a year since all of them came back from the military, yet, they were glad, despite all the things that shaped them into these new versions of themselves and all the bad and good they have learnt, that thankfully, between them, nothing had changed.
Tasting local bulgogi, galbi, samgyeopsal, kimchi and tteokbokki was the exact flavour they needed to feel finally at their homeland. With a few more bottles of soju, soon the mood of the evening lightened even more, alongside some jokes here and there between the maknaes, the teasings of them to the hyungs and the embarrassed movements of the leader and the hyung because of their public image and constant reminder of his age.
Once the intense red of their sauces coloured the bottom of their plates and the rice leftovers of their bowls cooled down, a topic that only two at the table didn’t expect to bring out again, topped their dessert intercourse.
“Alright, I have to ease my mind with this, because Taehyungie and I talked about it the other day and I can’t take it off my mind…” Jimin started, leaving the metallic chopsticks on the side while getting everyone’s attention. The low lights made it look like his hair was even more golden.
“Ah, Jimin-ah, don’t put that pressure onto them—!” Taehyung raised his palm, quickly taking it to his mouth to restrain himself from a hiccup. Jungkook patted his back, without stopping to stare at Jimin in curiosity, his eyes partly drowsy due the effects of the alcohol starting to hit him.
“I was actually inspired by Namjoonie-hyung the other day…” Namjoon took a sip from his soju, smiling tenderly at his dongaseng. “So I said, why not?” He shrugged it off, making Hoseok smile widely with both his hands under his chin while Yoongi accommodated himself on the leather sofa.
Jimin’s soft semblance quickly turned into a mischievous smirk.
“What would you guys say is your ideal type?”
Seokjin choked on his cup and Namjoon lost his smile completely.
And Jimin was staring right at them.
That little bitch.
“To be honest, I have thought about it more than once…” Hoseok started, ignoring completely the way Seokjin searched for water to clear his throat. His eyes look upwards, chuckling while he shook his head. “I don’t really think I would be able to have someone by my side, I think we all love our jobs way too much.”
“Yeah, but, hypothetically??” Jimin insisted and leaned forwards, while Seokjin took the chance, after getting better, to send him a look.
“Hobi-hyung might need someone a little more different than him to contrast!” continued Taehyung, moving his hands as he was connecting all the dots, his brown hair getting messier with humidity. “If you have someone with the same energy as you it could be kind of boring.”
“Yeah, I think he needs someone… just like Yoongi-hyung, for example.” Jungkook suggested without too much thought, playing a little bit with the earrings of his left ear.
Five faces turned towards Yoongi, with a surprised Hoseok looking up and down to his friend. Yoongi simply shrugged as he took another sip from his drink.
“We invented SOPE for a reason, I would gladly commit to Hob-ah.” Hoseok started clapping and laughed out loud at the non-chalant statement of his hyung, even if his blush, either from the shyness or the soju, was tinted part of his cheeks after what his friend just said.
“And it’s obvious Taehyung would go for someone just like Jimin, he has always been his favorite after all.” Hoseok suddenly said, drinking another cup. Sooner or later, him and Yoongi would exchange energies since the alcohol hasn’t hit him already. Taehyung and Jimin glanced at each other while Jungkook was the one clapping this time in excitement.
“What is this, a call-out?” Taehyung defended himself, his cheeks heated up, but the way Jimin was starting to get more nervous and pinkish didn’t help.
“Did I stutter?!” Hoseok called, making this time the whole table burst into laughter while Taehyung covered his face with both hands and Jungkook half-hugged him in comfort.
Only Namjoon and Seokjin were the ones that remained quiet. Their eyes met, with some kind of blush crippling up from their necks, only to avoid their eyes within a second. This didn’t look good for both of them.
“Ah, and it’s obvious Jungkookie’s going for someone with specifically Namjoon’s thighs.” Jungkook’s soft gaze and nod changed into big eyeballs as he turned abruptly towards Yoongi, ignoring the strong laughs of Jimin and Hoseok at the statement.
“Now what did I do?!” he said, slightly pouting with Taehyung covering his face with his hands as he laughed silently.
“We all know you fell for him, it’s been years, don’t try to hide it!” Yoongi complained, now with Taehyung and Jimin playing with him while Jungkook shielded himself with his tattooed arms and a bunny smile.
Namjoon’s lips quivered. He didn’t mind all the teasing and he expected all of this was happening because his friends had exceeded a little bit too much with their drinks. But he was starting to question it, considering that Seokjin hadn't come up with any of his typical jokes and was rather shy and avoidant. Could it be that…?
“And what about you, Jin-hyung?” Jimin popped out, making his hyung come back from his trance, as he shook his head and looked at his sides.
“Wai-What?” he asked, his tone jittery while caressing his sweaty hands on his thighs in circles.
“What do you think would be your ideal type?” Jimin prompted, now everyone turned their faces and attention towards Seokjin.
Seokjin gulped at the question, his ears starting to get red by all the attention he was getting. And they knew it. He had told them about it thousands of times over the years. And, of course, they also knew that the only person he could look at, to not get himself nervous when everything was way too tense, when he couldn’t crack a joke, when he would get tongue-twisted…
… was also the person he couldn’t stare at right now.
The grins and smiles of his friends, expecting him to talk made him chuckle nervously. They weren’t pressing him to talk, but rather they were actually waiting for his answer. Even the mutter of the chats of the restaurant and the low music had gone now in his ears. Instead, his voice felt like an echo and the whistle of the lobes were muted the moment he turned his head to the left and saw him.
Namjoon was gazing right at him.
With a hint of honey in his eyes and cinnamon in his skin. With the little chocolate dots that made the moles of his face, the one under his lips, his favorite, like a tie of the little smile that now crowned his face. With the curiosity and expectancy of an academic, but with the heart of someone that longe and hope despite his feeling of inadequacy. A face he longed, a face he had dreamt about and searched for like his Polaris in a starry night.
And Seokjin looked at him.
“I-I guess I want someone also different from myself. Someone that… that…”
Was he actually stuttering? Why was his heart beating so damn hard against his chest?
“I…” he gulped, sweat running down his spine and his eyes started to feel teary.
He was starting to see little dots from his vision.
The thud of his hands on the table made everyone jump on their seats.
“I don’t like this game anymore.” he stated, rising up from his seat and running out of the table.
Seconds passed with the whole table remaining silent. It broke when the waiters arrived with their desserts, ice cream with grated frozen fruits. The staff didn’t seem to fathom the tension in the ambience and they didn’t ask about the whereabouts of their seventh member missing. Once they were gone, nobody dared to take up a single spoon. Namjoon’s clenched jawline and frown was sharp enough to cut any of the shenanigans they were doing five minutes ago.
“So, are any of you going to tell me what was all that about?” Namjoon’s tone was low: not demanding, but rather inquisitive.
“We…” Jungkook started, his voice almost lost when he saw the crossed arms of his leader and scowl. “We were just trying to know hyung’s ideal type…”
“No.” Namjoon shook his head. “This goes deeper than that, Seokjin was already uncomfortable even before we arrived. You can’t tell me it was just a game when, clearly, it wasn’t for him. Now, you better explain it to me before I come to find him, get him here and you better apologise to your hyung.”
“Namjoon-ah…” Jimin started, pursuing his lip and eyes clearly watery. “We didn’t mean that he would have reacted like that. It… It was all my idea, I take the blame.”
“But what were you all trying to do to begin with?!” Namjoon asked, arching an eyebrow. Since he didn’t get any answer from his friends, he sighed, starting to stand up from his seat. “I’m going to find him right now but I hope you all will think about what you’re going to say to him. If it’s a topic that 's way too personal to him, don’t try to push him anymore, alright? We have been doing this forever, I don’t know what got into all of you today but…”
He shook his head, starting to get out of the table and leave his dessert behind. However, Yoongi was the one that held his sleeve, stopping Namjoon on his march.
“Please… let him know we are sorry.” he said, without even glancing at Namjoon, regret written in the sharp lines of his eyes.
Namjoon simply nodded and took a look at the other four. They were avoiding his eyes, pouting or pursuing their lips as they held their tears. At least Namjoon knew they weren’t content with what they had done. But, now, it wasn’t the time to admonish them. Yoongi let go of him and five heads popped and moved as they watched him getting out of the restaurant.
At least they knew that, if someone could get his hyung back after this disastrous dinner, it was their leader.
Seokjin shivered with the chill of the night. He sniffed out the tears he let out when he sat down on a bench he found nearby the restaurant. A few locals crossed by him trying to muffle his emotions (again) in front of the public the best he could, but he couldn’t. He was grateful that at night it was harder for people to recognize him.
As he cleared the tears out of his cheeks and neck, he looked at the building lights, the expensive cars coming from the left and the hangul engraved in the different signs and colors. The reflection from the pavement, the slight petrichor and sponges of indigo clouds in the distance announced that the changma was close.
How could he be so stupid? He just needed to answer one single question! He could have avoided looking at Namjoon, he could have just simply told a lie and gotten over it. Crack a joke like he used to. But his heart knew he couldn’t do it. He couldn’t lie, not anymore, not after knowing what Namjoon said about it and about how much he wanted that description to be about himself.
He heard steps coming towards him. Considering his mood under the weather, he jumped out of fear and clenched one of his hands into a fist, throwing it upwards. If a serial killer was about to steal one of his organs, at least he could show to the police station that he tried to defend himself.
“Ah-hyung?!” the low voice of Namjoon called him, one of his hands on his shoulder, aching in pain.
Well, that serial killer could have at least stolen his heart as well.
“Namjoon-ah! Gosh, I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” he bowed towards him, almost way too low and run to check on him. “Hyung didn’t meant it! I thought you were… I thought…”
“I’m okay, I’m okay!” he said, moving his arm forward and backward. He smiled, easing the frown and the shrink of his posture. “You just wanted to defend yourself, we came here without our managers after all…” Only then, he noticed as well the redness of his eyes and the man in front of him. He didn’t lose his smile, yet he slightly scrunched his eyes apologetically. “Seokjin-ah…”
“It’s nothing, Namjoon-ah.” he tried to avoid the topic because, what else could he keep doing after so many years crushing on him? He didn’t know any better. “We can come inside and I’ll invite everyone so we can easily forget that all of this happened and—”
“Do you want to take a walk?”
Seokjin stopped talking. The suggestion came suddenly, but naturally, despite the roars of the thunder in the distance and the humidity increasing within the seconds of their time. And Namjoon had raised his eyebrows, his brown eyes with slightly dilated pupils and the crater of his dimple holding hands with his crooked smile, his strands of brown hair partly washed after weeks with the dye. Gosh, Seokjin thought, I must be looking like a mess right now.
He wasn’t entirely wrong. Seokjin’s fringe was parted at one side of his face when he arrived, now the strands were scattered all over his forehead. His full pink lips were reddened by all the times he had bitten his lips to hold back the tears. His doe eyes were dewy and, despite the watercolour of red at the corners, with little dots of white glancing at Namjoon in comfort. Namjoon tried to hold on his breath: he had never looked so wrecked, yet so beautiful at the same time.
Namjoon only wanted to wipe that grief out of Seokjin’s face and protect that smile he had always cherished.
With Namjoon’s hands buried in his pockets and a single tilt of his head, Seokjin agreed.
“Sure.” he nodded, both starting to walk in the opposite direction of the restaurant.
Namjoon and Seokjin walked side by side in silence, at least for the first few minutes. Their steps on the sidewalk were their rhythm, letting the breeze and some leaves fly through the distant wind. Seokjin glanced slightly at Namjoon, who seemed to wait until he was ready to talk, giving him more time to fully recover. Seokjin felt the electricity by every chance their hands brushed, unsure where the storm was truly forming. After a few more streets, they stopped at a zebra crossing with a red light.
“So… I saw the interview you did with the kids in London without me.” Namjoon started, crossing his arms and eyes looking at him. Seokjin snorted, glancing back: calling the other members' kids was something they did between them most of the time, starting as a joke among the whole hyung line and now a term that felt meant to be used only among them. “I noticed you put extra effort in interacting with the host and speaking English.”
“Thank you.” he chuckled, his upper teeth showing. “It was pure chaos, most of the stuff the guy said I didn’t understand and I was very nervous without you at my side.”
“No, really, you actually did a great job without me!” he complimented, now both of them finally turning to see their faces right. Namjoon patted his shoulder amicably. “I’m very proud to see you handle the group more than alright when I’m not around.”
“That doesn’t mean it’s easier or that I wouldn’t want it like that. The group needs you, Namjoon, more than you think. And I…” Seokjin’s lips trembled. “I also need you.”
Namjoon parted his lips right before the green light appeared, forcing them to keep walking forwards. Perhaps they were getting a little far away from the restaurant and they bet at least one of them had asked on the groupchat how they were doing. The more steps they took, Namjoon could have sworn he felt a raindrop falling in his hair, although it could have come from the buildings balconies. Seokjin held his tongue and squinched his eyes.
“I haven’t watched your interview yet.” he caressed the back of his neck and was careful where he was stepping in. “Well, at least not all of it.
“It’s okay, you’ll have your time.” he answered, avoiding a man that was rushing from his right. “The guys told me they really feel sorry for what they have done back there, by the way. I will reprimand them better later but I had to check on you first. “Seokjin smiled a little bit at the statement. “Can I… Can I ask you what happened there? How are you feeling right now?
“It’s just…” he took a deep breath before looking back at him. “It’s something the guys joked about before we arrived at the dinner. You said something about your ideal type of love and I guessed they also wanted to know mine, but I don’t really get the reason, haha…”
“Why don’t you wanna share yours?”
“Because I bet they were going to laugh at me! And it’s… kinda of stupid, you know?” he laughed nervously.
“Wait, Kim Seokjin?” he stood amidst, a smirk poking. “The one and only worldwide handsome is not sharing what type of person he looks up for love? Now, what type of relationship have we even built over the past fifteen years?”
“You know what I mean!” Seokjin chuckled, his smile coming back all over again.
“Actually, I don’t.” yet, Seokjin shook his head as Namjoon’s eyes rolled. “Come on, hyung, it’s me! You can tell me anything and you know that!”
And he was right, again. They could count onto each other for anything. That was something they settled in the first weeks they met, teenagers in freshman uni and senior high school. A promise that was kept after all the tears, hardships and trials the two of them dealt with each other and counted to the other without the other members, so they wouldn’t deal with the burden. A promise that hardened when they thought about disbandment, after a global pandemic and one that endured after two years in the mandatory military.
A promise that had been threading on for more than a decade and that turned their strings into red, thought Seokjin. But he feared that the string wasn’t tied to Namjoon’s anymore, if he recognised the color on the other end.
“Seokjin-ah…” Namjoon’s soft voice called him back to reality. And there it was, him: looking at him with those honey-glazed deep eyes that made his knees weak every time. “Is there something you’re struggling to tell me?”
Before Seokjin could even part his lips, his eyes closed abruptly and opened up again. The first droplets of water landed on their faces and the pavement. Right when Seokjin had closed one of his eyes again and Namjoon had blinked up at the sky, the rain started to fall, the speed and force of the water increasing in just a matter of seconds. Seokjin yelped when it started to pour, their feet running in search of a place to cover.
They had to retrieve in a bus stop, illuminated with the streetlight and the crystals filled with different types of adverts and posters. Namjoon and Seokjin sighed in relief the moment they sat down on the wooden seats. Seokjin shook his arms, with his jacket already soaking wet while Namjoon ruffled his hair, guessing they were going to need a warm shower once they get home.
The couple gasped when they saw how much the rain was starting to fill the streets, the puddles becoming bigger and bigger within minutes, the vehicles crossing them in speed and fearing for them aquaplanning. The sprinklers of the sky and the light illuminated in the streetlights made clear that it was a tropical storm they just got themselves into. Seokjin checked the sign for the next bus stops, since they were going to need it if this rain wasn’t planning to stop anytime soon.
“I think we’re gonna have to come to the other side of the street. This one might leave us the other way to the restaurant.” Seokjin commented, sighing tiredly in the view of the long zebra street, with a pavement in the middle.
However, Namjoon remained silent, as if he was thinking deeply about it. His body had leaned forward, some droplets rolling down on the curve of his neck. Seokjin hugged himself, searching for the little warmth he had inside his body.
Then Namjoon tilted his face, laughing in a breath that turned out slightly pissed.
“So this is all about the interview, uh?” he guessed, making Seokjin straighten his back. “That’s why the guys brought the topic in the car.” he turned towards Seokjin, his breathing itchy. “Seokjin, please, be honest with me…
“I am! I…” he stopped himself, but he pressed his eyes, throwing that thought into his mental trashcan. “I wouldn’t lie to you, Joon-ah.”
“Did I say something wrong to you? Did I make you feel bad on any of the questions?
“What? No, please, no! That’s not what… It’s just…” he looked at one side, pursuing his lips and stretching his legs in tension. Namjoon legs were open and his semblance remained firm. Seokjin held himself more into his arms. “Were you truly sure about that description of your ideal type? Like… are you absolutely correct, that's the type of person you would fall for?”
“Yes.” Namjoon was surprised by how fast he answered, but he nodded. “I’m positive.”
“Why? Why are you so sure?”
“Becuase I already have someone in my life that it’s just like that.”
“Oh.”
The rain hit the ponds and the bus stop like a drumroll. The bushes and trees shook with the force of the water as another thunder resonated in the city of Seoul. Seokjin felt like a balloon that was just deflating, as if those droplets were drumming against his chest and making little holes, letting all the blood plasticine strings fall apart. Namjoon had a little smirk on his lips, then looked to the floor and then back at him. Was that blush that was appearing in his cheeks?
Oh god, he was gone for that person, wasn’t he?
“A lucky one, uh?” Seokjin tried to smile, but he couldn’t, not really. Not when all the waterfall of emotions was filling up his brain and heart, washing away any hope he could hold onto.
“You have no idea.” Namjoon smile grew bigger and looked up at the streetlight and then at the minutes left for the next stop. He looked at his hand, resting on the bench, not far away from Seokjin’s. He thought about making their pinkies meet and he was starting to do it, very slowly. “Jinnie…”
“Why didn't you tell me?” he asked, his eyes starting to feel watery all over again.
“About what?” Namjoon’s arched an eyebrow, almost laughing, without understanding why Seokjin had a frown in his eyes and his nails were now against the wood.
“About her! About him! About them, I don’t care, love whoever you want!” he stood up and yelped a little bit, turning towards him. What Namjoon expected to see in those eyes: comfort, stability and warmth, was quite the opposite. “Why didn't you tell me you were with someone already?"
“Wait… what?!” Namjoon shook his head, eyes wide open.
“Was it that hard to not tell me after all these years? “You know you can trust me, Seokjin-ah”?!” he mocked the way Namjoon referred to him, moving from side to side from the bus station, despite water falling at the edge. “You could have made me avoid all these years of waiting and hoping that you… that you… that you and I…!”
His hands were in the air, shaking in the shapes of claws and his vein’s neck about to explode. He waved his arms in the air abruptly in defeat, as he shrieked, shocking Namjoon even more. And, then, he started to cross the street under the tropical rain.
“Seokjin-ah!” Namjoon called him, his arm reaching for him, but it was too late. He was already crossing the street, the green-lighted hand and the countdown giving him free rain. Namjoon looked up at the counter and then back at Seokjin, who looked even more defeated under the rain than he was just seconds ago.
Namjoon knew exactly what he was doing the moment lightning crossed the sky and started running after him when the two digits became just one.
“Seokjin-ah!” he called him again, both reaching the pavement in the middle and Namjoon stopping their march with the red light. But Seokjin kept walking towards the beginning of the next zebra cross. “Stop running away from me! I’m not dating anyone, Jinnie!”
Seokjin stopped his legs in the middle of the pavement as Namjoon quickened his march to reach him. Seokjin turned around: the rain had made his fringe a full mess and his shirt under his jacket was showing the silhouette of his waist. Namjoon’s eyes were half-narrowed, a dimple popping at one side of his smile as his sneakers were filled with mud and completely soaked with all the puddles he had to cross to reach him.
“But you are in love with someone.” he reminded him, the sorrow of his voice cracking something inside of Namjoon. He couldn’t distinguish the tears of the sky with the ones Seokjin had in his cheeks. And there it was again: that sad look that Namjoon wished it didn’t feel like a thousand needles against his own heart. The one that made him cry when they were faking it, but Namjoon couldn’t help but cry with how realistic it felt.
And how much he wanted to ease it. Now more than ever.
“Yes, I am.” he nodded, the steadiness of his voice making Seokjin pay attention and stop his own tears. ”He is, indeed, one of the most ridiculous and serious people I have ever met. And he thinks I don’t know how wonderful of a person he is, but I know very well.” Seokjin sniffed, about to leave and get to the other bus stop if this just was just pure torture from his side.
“... Despite all the dad jokes he throws at me.”
Seokjin’s eyes bulged as he turned slowly towards him. Namjoon blinked a few times, so he could look at him properly under all the rain, which seemed to pour even faster.
“Despite all the times he had scolded me for not cutting the onions and the carrots in the way he wanted me to. Despite all the times he blamed himself for a dance move he got wrong, because he is that hard worker that stays with me after practice to do it better.” Namjoon found Seokjin’s hands and held them, the older one squeezing them back, with his fingers twitching.
“Despite all the times he has told me he wants to hide his upper teeth-smile, because he doesn’t quite like it, but that’s my personal favorite. Despite still blaming me after all these years for that night, I was trying to kill those mosquitos and woke him up in the slumber.” Seokjin chuckled, followed by Namjoon’s. He didn’t control the tears falling, because now he had no control over his emotions.
“Even when he calls himself Worldwide Handsome in the American host shows and makes me embarrassed. Even when I cried like a baby the night he left for the military. Even when I broke up with my partners and all I could think about was how much I missed him. Even when…” he stopped to take a better look at him. To see that little smile that was drawing in his lips, to see how the pain shifted into relief and disbelief.
“Even when I made him cry and that hurts me like nothing else in the world, because that is the last thing I would have ever wanted to do. So I chased him down in the rain to finally tell him how I feel.”
Seokjin emitted a sound between a sob and a giggle and pressed his eyes, leaning slightly forwards. Namjoon squeezed his hands harder and felt his eyes watery, mixed with the droplets in his eyelashes and the ones splashed in his face and head.
“And… perhaps I have been reading all the signs wrong. And this is just making me look more clumsy, stupid and flawed as I’ll ever be…”
Seokjin shook his head, this time being him the one that searched to cup with his hands the jawline of Namjoon, catching his attention.
“You truly wanna know my ideal type, Joonie?” he questioned, with his teeth showing and light back in his eyes. “Just ask me the question and I’ll tell you.”
Namjoon gulped, but he smiled gently, recalling the words as he looked deeply at him, mapping every single mole, pore and line of his beautiful face. The face he swore he could spend his whole life knowing.
“What is it?”
“I would love to be with someone that is very very smart, eloquently speaking and deep in thought, but also very very clumsy at the same time.” Namjoon chortled at the similar way he had expressed his thoughts in that interview.
“Someone that it's quite opposite from me at first, but that I could rely on during my hardest times... because he is my anchor.” his words were starting to stutter, due the nerves and also due the cold of the rain. “Because he is the one that I don’t think I can live without. I truly think I might fall in love with someone like that because…” Namjoon took apart the strands of his hair above his eyes, so carefully and tenderly. “Because I… I…"
He gasped for air and their eyes met.
“Come here.” Namjoon whispered, before Seokjin leaned in.
Their lips found each other, with Namjoon grabbing the lapels of Seokjin’s jacket and Seokjin finding the balance with his hands on Namjoon’s hips. The raindrops kept falling and falling, making their clothes even wetter than they were already and their hairs looking like a hot mess. But their mouths brushed intensely, their bodies feeling a strong rush of heat from their legs up to their chests with every little movement and soft rustles of their lips.
As seconds passed and their bodies leaned for more, their kiss intensified: more hungrily with the way Namjoon added the tongue and when Seokjin searched for more with every little breath, like he couldn’t get enough. Namjoon’s hands belted around Seokjin’s waist, pulling him even closer. Seokjin did as well with his nape, tasting the sweetness of Namjoon just to dig in even further.
They kept kissing and kissing, letting that significant pressure and level-length of their hearts shift into the comfort they had always dreamt of, that had always lingered for, no matter how watery they could become.
Their trance slowly stopped once Namjoon raised Seokjin slightly from the floor, deepening the kiss (if that was even possible at that point) and Seokjin gasped slightly for air in surprise, while Namjoon kept kissing his lips and teeth, making him laugh and follow him shortly after. Once he had lost the balance, he put him down, their mouths still tied, only to break it off and make their forehead interlocked instead, both breathless, but more alive than they have ever felt.
Love has always found its ways to make two people find each other and to connect. And as one of the greatest poets would quote: the course of true love never did run smooth. But once the flow of that course finally reached the end and found the vast sea of fulfillment, that was what made it so unique and longed for everyone.
And as they both slowly opened their eyes, laughed under the rain and looked into each other’s eyes with the warm gaze of true love, not even the greatest poets would have put it into words how dear they were for the other. They would have to count every single droplet of rain to amount it.
And, still, it wouldn’t have been enough.
“Where do you think they could have gone?!” Hoseok blurted, with a hand above his eyes and squirming while looking in the distance. The five friends have already paid the receipt and have gone outside once the storm was off, all of them secluded inside until it stopped.
“I’m starting to actually get worried…” Jungkook’s eyes were flitting big and crowned with furrowed brows. His hands were slightly shaking, just like he was whenever he would get nervous, doubting to hug any of his hyungs in search of comfort.
“They are not answering their phones…” the softened tone of Taehyung as he held his phone in his ear got lost when he checked it again. Another missed one. They have been calling both Seokjin and Namjoon non-stop for the past hour and a half.
“Just wait a little bit, I bet they just have found a safe space to get under the rain and they are just getting back.” Yoongi tried to calm down the nerves of his dongasengs, being the oldest at that very moment.
However, as Jimin observed him carefully while Jungkook was leaning his head on his shoulders with a little pout, he could tell that his hyung was the most worried about them. Summer storms in Korea could get very dangerous very easily and they didn’t want their friends to have a disastrous accident just because they were at the wrong place at the wrong time. And all because of them.
Jimin patted Jungkook’s head for his comfort and shared concerned looks with Taehyung, who tried once again to call for them. What if they have lost their phones? Then back at Hoseok, who was trying to read if there were any areas nearby that could have been flooded, with his usual smile completely lost and downwards. Yoongi’s nails were digging in his elbows and the thin line of his lips trembled. Then, Jimin looked to his left and he felt he could breathe again.
“There they are!” he called his friends, everyone turning and recovering their smiles. Taehyung and Jungkook had started to jump and wave their hands, while Hoseok had called them with a great: “Heeeey!” and Yoongi was still startled, allowing himself to properly recognize both his old roommate and best friend.
Jimin held his breath when he took a better look as they were walking closer. They were soaking wet, from head to toes, which meant that the rain had clearly washed them over completely. But what made Jimin’s eyes brighten and his grin bloomed, was that they were holding hands. Side by side and glancing at each other, sharing knowing looks and smiles, as if they were in their own world.
They just looked up at their friends: Namjoon’s dimples were deeper than they have ever seen and Seokjin’s upper teeth making beautiful lines against his cheeks. Namjoon's half-crook smiled as he raised their tangled hands up and closed his eyes in defeat. Seokjin shook his head in embarrassment, without stop cackling. Then, they looked back again at each other, with honey-coated eyes. And Jimin gasped: his eyes turning into half-moons as he clasped his own hands together in excitement.
The other four have seemed to start noticing what Jimin was seeing as well. Taehyung boxy smile was big and was shaking his fists up in enthusiasm. Jungkook’s bunny teeth were shown and he was bouncing as he looked back and forth from his group to his hyungs. Hoseok had a hand around his mouth, covering his smile and about to swallow his own tears of joy. Yoongi was still, yet his gummies were starting to appear as a tear rolled down from his cheek, taking it out as he silently laughed in relief.
“Well… I think we all finally know Seokjin’s type.” Jimin said with a great grin, his heart and the other four friends melting at the sight of his hyungs, finally, together.
Someone very, very ridiculous and very, very serious at the same time.
Someone very, very intelligent and very, very clumsy at the same time.
They couldn't have found a better match.