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Narnia Fic Exchange 2026
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Published:
2026-08-29
Completed:
2026-09-02
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5,705
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3/3
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The Play's The Thing

Summary:

A Golden Age play in three acts.

Notes:

Heavy influence was taken from Shakespeare’s works, particularly Midsummer Night’s Dream. As in typical play fashion, distances are treated as negligible.

Chapter 1: Act 1

Chapter Text

 

ACT 1

Scene 1

Enter Peter and Edmund.

PETER

Now, brother dear, do tell it to me straight: 

The water silk brought to us by our friend, 

Ambassador o’ Calormen to our south, 

T’was worth a pretty penny by accounts. 

Worth more than gold, the bond it represents

T’ween our two countries, hitherto at odds,

Now striving for a peace between the Tisroc

And myself, High King. 

EDMUND

You speak the truth. 

PETER

And furthermore, the talks were going well! 

Our southern guests were welcomed with a feast

Befitting of the land from whence they came,

Where opulence speaks louder to their ears 

Than honest words and faithful oaths besworn. 

Then long we spoke--upon the morningtide-- 

Regarding trade and treaties ‘tween our lands.

And gifts were shared, including as I said, 

The water silk which causes now such grief.

EDMUND

‘Tis as you say. 

PETER

For on this day, 

By chance, the silk was placed before me so, 

While on my right, my quill and ink at hand;

Who could predict, upon the blare of horns

Beyond our walls, like horns of Father Time 

Himself, that I should start-- Am I the type to start? 

EDMUND

Nay, you are alike to stone most days. 

PETER

‘Tis as you say! Yet start I did upon

That blare of horns. And doing so, my arm

Did sweep from right to left; both quill and well

Were knocked like so, and flood of blackest ichor

Was released, where’pon the water silk did capture

Every drop. Was that my fault? 

EDMUND

Be calm. 

The ambassador is all too mad, ‘tis true

But may as well put blame upon the blowers

Of the blasted horns that caused such grief 

As blame yourself, my king. 

PETER

I thank thee, Ed. 

Your faith as e’er restores my shaken wits. 

But how are we to fix this sorry mess? 

EDMUND

I’ll tell you this: You shall make yourself scarce

For sight of you might make the matter worse. 

We’ll let Calormene tempers cool, and ply

Aplenty food and drink to further soothe

Their wounded souls. 

PETER

You think t’would work?

EDMUND

I know. 

For am I not the smartest brother here? 

PETER

‘Tis as you say. 

EDMUND

And am I not a king

In my own right; a scholar, furthermore,

In trade, and all the matters of the law, 

Including talks with all the foreign powers? 

And am I not the best at plans and schemes

To keep our land at peace, and keep ourselves

Upon our royal thrones? And do you not

Take counsel from me night and day upon

Such matters as the water silk we speak? 

PETER

Yes, yes, ‘tis true. 

EDMUND

Then listen to my counsel at this hour.

Keep your head low; do not bestir the pot. 

And when the time is right, and tempers cooled, 

And reparations made, we shall resume

Diplomacies in your official name. 

But not a word nor sight of you till then! 

PETER

‘Tis understood. You’ll see not hide nor hair

Of your High King. I leave our friends in your

Most learned hands. 

EDMUND

Take care, do not be caught,

‘Till water silk disaster be forgot! 

They exit. 


Scene 2

Enter Susan and the Suitor.

SUITOR

With hair like coal,

And humour droll,

Your gentle soul

Has caught me. 

‘Tis like a scar

When I am far. 

Your heart, a star:

Belights me. 

To hear you speak,

My knees go weak,

One thing I seek: 

Please wed me. 

SUSAN

‘Tis like a light has shone upon your soul

For when you spake your verse, I saw quite clear: 

The man you are, and whom you wish to be.

But honoured as I am to hear your verse, 

I fear no spark has lit within my heart. 

Good sir, I thank you for your kindly suit

But now the time has come to bid adieu. 

[Aside.]

Too long this day has this man bent my ear.

Suitor exits.

My heart grows weary. Endless days are wasted

Entertaining men who seek my hand. 

My beauty draws them in, like fish to bait

My throne a tempting prize to sweet the pot. 

Still, not one suitor yet has caught my eye

And not one soul whom I would trust a whit

With governance and other matters smart,

Let alone to whom I’d give my heart. 

Nay--that is not true, I speak a lie. 

For one man once did catch my eye, so bold

And charming, like a gallant knight of old,

My heart was sold. I thought my search, so long, 

Had reached an end, but he did rend my trust

For on a journey to his southern land, 

In Tashbaan, heart of empire Calormen, 

True colours he revealed: cruel acts I saw; 

Harsh words I heard; disdain for all beneath

His lofty station. Prince he was, but now

His mask had dropped, and I, my heart betrayed,

Afraid for mine own life, and lives of those

Who travelled in my company, I fled,

And since have held my heart apart from all

Who seek my hand and throne. I am alone.

Enter Edmund. 

Alone in love, at least, but at my side

My sister and my brothers dear reside. 

[To Edmund.]

Ho, Edmund! 

EDMUND

Susan, sister, Gentle Queen

Finished with your suitors for the day? 

SUSAN

For my life. I weary of their games, 

Their verses crude, their simpering, their eyes

Which follow greedy as their aims. I’m done! 

EDMUND

How so? I thought you wished to find a man

To match your wits, your passion, and your spark--

SUSAN

There are no sparks, and I am quit this quest. 

EDMUND

You know best.

SUSAN

And one more thing besides: 

You see this hair which falleth from my head,

And down my back and almost to the floor?

EDMUND

These silken, raven locks that you, with pride, 

Have grown and tended o’er these many years?

SUSAN

This shining hair, which like a glowing flame

Within the darkest room must draw all moths,

Does draw all men with eyes for naught

But power, beauty, and superficial things.

EDMUND

Your hair is like a beacon to all with eyes.

SUSAN

I would it not, such sorrow does it bring.

I’d have it off -- yes--! Begone, foul hair!

You see these shears? With sharpened blades I’ll rid

Myself of every lock, and every moth besides.

EDMUND

No, hold! Give not that look, I do not stand

Between your blades and your desire to rid

Your head of burden dark. I only wish

To lend my steady hand.

SUSAN

Then take these shears,

And shear the hair, that my beladen head 

Shall lift as if from ‘neath a heavy weight.

[Edmund cuts the hair.]

There, is it gone? My head does lighter feel. 

EDMUND

The job is done, and you are free, my dear. 

SUSAN

My head is light! I give my brother thanks. 

And now that suitors need not take my time, 

Respite I’ll find outside these castle walls. 

EDMUND

And what of all the hair you’ve cast aside? 

SUSAN

Do with it as you will, for I care not! 

No longer will it occupy my thoughts.

They exit. 


Scene 3

Enter Lucy at one door and Tumnus the faun at another.

TUMNUS

Lucy! Valiant Queen, I find thee at last! 

LUCY

Oh faithful Tumnus, my dear friend! You search? 

I do not hide. My morning has been filled

With budding trees and fresh new flowers so sweet

I almost could believe the fruits were ripe

And bursting on my tongue. Oh gorgeous spring! 

How glorious this Narnian day! Oh joy! 

I have no cares! No duties to attend! 

(For my dear brothers banished me outdoors

To tend our subjects, loyal beasts and birds,

Who dwell in orchards, gardens, and the wood.

No duty, this, to me, for would I not

Spend every hour just the same had I

No obligations in this world?) 

TUMNUS

You would. 

LUCY

But come, you say you searched? Now I am found. 

What news have you? 

Enter Peter, unnoticed. 

TUMNUS

Only this: Some say

A gathering is taking place in woods

Far west of here, at Dancing Lawn, this night. 

The news has reached my ear that dryad songs

Do tangle in the breeze, and naiad limbs

Are taking form along the riverbanks.

The fauns, my kin, are practicing their tunes, 

Their horns and drums to play the night away.

And more than this: a wilder whisper comes

Echoing the youth-song of our god, 

Promises of maenads soon to join

And Bacchus, Lord among them, at their head! 

LUCY

Bacchus! 

TUMNUS

As I said! 

LUCY

Then we shall go! 

For is it not the duty of this queen

To greet the god who dances in our wood? 

Lucy and Tumnus exit. 

PETER

At Dancing Lawn, in western woods, they say. 

This catches at my mind, I know not why. 

Perhaps, ‘tis boredom nipping at my heels,

For laying low and keeping out of sight am I. 

But more than that, I do seem to recall

Rumours of a craftsman in those woods,

A master of inventions, so I’ve heard,

Though, hermit-like, he does not stray from home.

Of most import, a tool that he has made,

Like to a quill but with the ink attached! 

If only this I’d had when day began

No water silk disaster would ensue! 

Perhaps, a journey to this artisan, 

But not as Peter, King; I’d draw the eye. 

I’ll dress in rags, and pull my hat down low

And act the part of common traveller.

Yes! This master of the craft, is my next play;

I’ll trade for magic quill ‘ere end of day.

Peter exits. 


Scene 4

Enter Edmund and the Calormene Ambassador, and servants.

EDMUND

Ambassador, our talks have gone so well

I find myself most pleased at our progress;

The minds of you and I are most aligned,

Both dedicated to the task at hand.

For do we not both wish to find a path

That honours both our lands with equal weight,

Through trade that benefits both Narnia

And empire Calormen, our Southern friend? 

AMBASSADOR

Indeed, Just King, our goals are much the same: 

Prosperity and wealth for both our lands.

Yet honour must be rated just as high

When inking deals. For as the poets say, 

“Both truth and honour hand in hand must go;

Where one is lost, the other doth will fail.” 

EDMUND

Your poets speak the words in mine own heart,

For honour is a high ideal for which

I daily strive, and truth likewise my goal.

Yet honour also comes to those of us

Who overlook the honest error made.

AMBASSADOR

But how is one to know when error made 

Is honest at its heart, and not a slight? 

EDMUND

‘Tis why I offer now more gifts to you,

Not gifts of welcome, those you have received, 

But gifts of reparation to express

The honesty of our regrets to you

And your fine silk, of which we most admired. 

These finest silver bowls of dwarven-make,

And seven bottles of sweet honey wine

Of quality the likes you will find nowhere else.

AMBASSADOR

A kingly gift, which soothes my wounded pride. 

But is your King too High to make amends

By his own hands? 

EDMUND

[aside]

As if his own lord, 

Tisroc of the empire should e’er stoop

To confess wrong before his own subjects,

Let alone the dignitaries from

The smaller countries such as Narnia.

[To the ambassador]

While pressing matters occupy my king, 

He will return, apologies most fair

Upon his lips, whence you will see

Our king has truest honour in his heart. 

AMBASSADOR

One hopes his words are half as honeyed

As your own, Just King. 

Ambassador departs. 

EDMUND

A hope I dearly share;

Mine noble brother, High King though he is, 

Can better wield a sword and lead his troops

Upon the battlefield than soothe the man

Whose wounded pride requires honeyed words! 

[To the servants.]

Where can I find my brother? Time has come

To coach him in the words to calm this storm. 

SERVANT

He left the Cair not long ago, my king.

EDMUND

He left? Where to? 

SERVANT

It is unknown. Though tales

Have spread of Bacchus and his maenads wild

Converging in the Western Wood. The Queen, 

Your sister, Lucy, travels there; mayhaps 

Your brother joined her on her pilgrimage. 

EDMUND

Oh, blasted Peter! Did I say to leave? 

Lay low, I said to him, and nothing more. 

Make ready my best horse, the fastest steed;

I’ll chase my brother down to Western Wood.

But wait! I must take care, disguise myself

That none shall interrupt me on my quest. 

And did my sister not provide me hair,

Luxurious and raven black in hue,

Far longer and far darker than my own? 

Already, it is known that she departs

From Cair Par’vel to distant lands unknown.

If I should wear her hair upon my head,

Then it shall look as though I were the Queen

And none shall block my path as I depart. 

I’ll travel thus, to Western Wood, and find

My King, and bring him home before ‘tis found

That he and I have left. A simple quest! 

‘Tis often such solution is the best.

Edmund leaves.