Chapter Text
Honestly, Nicole never expected to get this far in her life. If it was up to her, she would’ve died before she graduated. And yet, May of 2009 came and went and she was still here. Even graduated with a solid 3.0 gpa. Entirely Jecka’s fault by the way, even if their ‘studying’ sessions were rarely about studying.
Actually, it was mostly Jecka's fault that she made it out at all. With their complicated relationship. Neither one of them wanted to be the one to admit to how they feel about the other despite being ‘together’. But their relationship was the only thing that kept Nicole alive in that last school year. Living through another day was worth it to see Jecka's stupid grin as they shared cigarettes on the overpass, a sea of cars driving endlessly down the highway below. Watching Jecka’s long blonde hair catch the setting sun, flowing like rivers of pure gold. ‘Such beauty shouldn’t be given to someone like me’ her thoughts echoed, but even the thought of her worthlessness in the shadow of a goddess couldn’t ruin these moments.
That June, Nicole turned 18. It wasn’t anything special, despite her mother’s trying. She had thrown a party for her, invited as many people in town as she knew, which was really only former principal Lyn and Jecka’s parents, ‘but she was sure to send out a mass text to everyone in my myspace contacts.’ So for her ‘special 18th birthday’, Nicole was forced to relive high school for a day with everyone she had been avoiding since graduation. Except this time they were all in her house. ‘Horay’.
Her mom thought this was the greatest idea she could’ve possibly come up with, an excuse for her to drink copious amounts of wine with the former principal (maybe liking girls just runs in the family) and coming off as a good parent to her neighbors. Nicole made sure to avoid Lyn though, she’s sure that she’s still mad at her for getting fired. Regardless, her mom continuously tried to force her to enjoy the party for the first few hours: “Nicole honey, you’re an adult now, this is an important moment.” “You only get one 18th birthday.” “Please at least pretend you’re enjoying the party, I did put a lot of work into organizing this thing.” “Honey, just because your brother is hiding in his room doesn’t mean you should too.”
Nicole never understood why everyone saw becoming an adult as such a big deal. The only thing that changes with adulthood is not being able to call men pedophiles for hitting on you, you have to get a job, and getting in trouble meant jail and not juvenile detention. Really it wasn’t anything it was cracked up to be, it's not like she could even drink legally for the next three years anyway (though that hasn’t stopped her before) so what was even the point? Adults were just bigger kids who have minor fetishes (well at least for the men) and get wrinkly.
Jecka finally showed, even if far past fashionably late. It was impossible to miss her bright blonde hair up in its casual bun in the crowd. Seemed like she was hiding something in her pink blouse based on the soft outline of a rectangle in her front pocket. ‘I thought she said she quit selling drugs after school ended.’ Along with her blouse, she wore a creamy white long sleeved undershirt with a half circle pattern at all the openings and a pair of short shorts, a real staple of hers.
“I was wondering if you were going to show or not.” Nicole didn’t want to sound desperate for Jecka to be there but the party was so dull without her and part of her was worried that she wouldn’t even wish her happy birthday in person.
“I just had some errands to run after work” she said without much thought, she had gotten a job at Spencer's in the mall of all places, but she said the pay was fine and the customers were less obnoxious than the alternatives. ‘Maybe I should apply there to work with her, it’d mean I’d get to see her everyday’ she thought.
“Happy birthday by the way, sorry your mom invited half the city.” A happy birthday from her already made the party seem like an after thought.
“Yeah yeah it's been a pain in the ass avoiding people, at least a few brought gifts, free shit’s always nice.” Admittedly much less gifts than would be fitting of a party crowd this big, ‘if you’re going to invade my house for a day and hit on me the entire time, the least you could do is get me a solid birthday present.’ She wondered if the thing Jecka was hiding was a gift for her ‘it would make more sense than drugs’, she wouldn’t ask about it though, seemed too desperate for her.
The two forced themselves to hang around the party for an hour which mainly consisted of dodging advances from Cripsin, Kylar, Jeffery, and basically every other man in their graduating class (and some older, ew). Emily walked up to the two looking as out of it as ever, she wondered how many Adderalls or worse she was on this far into the day. Her blonde hair was tattered and messy and her clothes looked dirtier than usual.
“Oh hey Nicole, Jecka.” Her addressing of Jecka came off coldly, Nicole didn’t remember Emily having any particularly bad feelings towards her before even if Jecka never spoke highly of her so it felt weirdly out of character for her.
“Bitch are you still mad at me??” Jecka seemed as baffled as Nicole was, ‘didn’t Jecka use to sell her adderall? Is that why she’s mad?’ She thought not adding any direct commentary to the conversation.
“Yeah because you stopped selling me Adderall after school ended!” Emily shouted, making Jecka worry for a second and look around to see if her parents were anywhere nearby. She was on thin ice as is with them, she didn’t need them finding out she had been selling drugs in the girl’s bathroom all of senior year. “You were my most reliable seller!”
“Yeah so what? I stopped because I have a fucking job and a life so I don’t need to sell shit to druggies anymore.” She must’ve determined that her parents weren’t nearby or she just didn’t care if they overheard at this point. “And when you come to my door at midnight on a Tuesday begging for more drugs, it makes me even more inclined to not sell to you!”
“I can stop if I wanted to!” Emily protested.
“Oh suuuuure you could, because waving me down everytime you see me for more drugs is something a non drug addict would do!” Jecka sneered, now was probably as good a time as any to break them up.
“Emily why don’t you go bother someone else, Jecka isn’t going to fucking sell you Adderall anymore. Making a scene isn’t helping anyone.” Stopping arguments wasn’t something Nicole usually did, typically she enjoyed stoking the flames of one, it's more fun to watch them play out that way. But she did like both Jecka and Emily (though she liked Jecka much more) and she didn’t really want to see the two rip each other to shreds over drugs.
Emily seemed to cool off when Nicole finally stepped in, she always liked her, a bit too much at times. “Ugh fine Nicole, only because it's your birthday, oh happy birthday by the way, didn’t say it earlier.”
“Yeah, yeah, whatever thanks, enjoy the party my mom set up and junk.” She grabbed Jecka’s hand and dragged her to the other end of the room sighing. Jecka seems very annoyed about the whole interaction but she too cools off now that the two of them are alone again.
“God that girl is so desperate, what does she even do now that she’s out of school?” Despite her anger, her voice was lined with concern, seeing Emily so desperate really only made her feel bad despite how heated they were getting.
“I heard her folks kicked her out.” Nicole dropped, probably a bit too casually but the information needed to be relayed regardless.
“Wait for real?” She looked shocked.
“Yeah, I swear I saw her sleeping in a box the other day.” She remembered how much Emily complained about her parents to her in passing, it was really only a matter of time she'd run her mouth and get kicked out. ‘I’m sure it didn’t help that she was a drug addict and reflected poorly on them.’
“Fuck, now I feel bad about yelling at her like that.” Her eyes reflected the remorse she was feeling and drifted across the room where she could see Emily trying to snag some of Lyn’s wine.
“I think she needed to hear it, selling her more drugs wouldn’t help anyone anyway. But it does make me worry about where she’s getting the money from…” Nicole usually didn’t see Jecka feeling remorseful for speaking her mind like that so she wanted to try and make her feel a bit better but it came off more dismissive than anything.
With the vibe ruined, they decided to finally ditch the party and sneak off to Nicole’s room. It was easy since by now both their moms and Lyn had downed several wine glasses and hers had given up on trying to get her to enjoy the party.
When they made it upstairs, they headed right for her room plopping down onto the bed. Jecka had waited till they were alone to pull out a small, rectangular, neatly wrapped, present box. ‘So it was a gift…’ It was wrapped in shiny blue wrapping paper, with a reflective sheen to it looking more expensive than the usual dollar tree crap.
“I know your birthday hasn’t exactly been the best, and the vibe was kinda ruined by the whole Emily thing” she winced a bit mentioning it again. “But I figured I could at least try to make it a bit better.” She handed Nicole the box putting some emphasis on the pink piece of paper on it with: From Jecka written in cursive in the center.
“Well? Aren’t you going to read it?”
Jecka asked, looking expectantly at Nicole, it was clear that she was trying to suppress a bigger smile than the one that currently tugged on the corners of her mouth. Nicole gently pulled the letter off the package, something she usually didn’t care about doing in the slightest. Back when her family was actually a family, Nicole was notorious for tearing into any presents she received like a ravenous animal throwing scraps of packaging all over the living room. The holidays were something she used to look forward too, but the divorce and her father’s subsequent suicide stripped that from her. Somewhere inside her still cherished those memories of thoughtful Christmas' and sweet birthday parties, even if they were stained black by the pooling sludge of what her family life was now. But this was different, it was a present from Jecka meaning it was extra special and she didn’t want to ruin it, especially not right in front of her.
She slowly and carefully opened the letter smelling some of the faint residue from Jecka’s perfume she must've been wearing the day she wrote it. She recognized the smell, white peach, so it must've been a Saturday or Tuesday when she wrapped this. Today was a Sunday so Jecka was wearing her pumpkin perfume as per usual, which she could smell from where she was sitting on the bed.
Nicole stopped her thoughts momentarily, knowing the exact schedule of when Jecka likes to wear certain scents was probably a bit odd and befitting more so of an obsessive stalker boy than herself. She shook off the thought to read the neat handwriting that lined the inside of the letter:
Dear Nicole.
I wanted to wish you a happy 18th birthday, I wish it could be better than it probably is turning out to be. Despite what you think, you deserve so much more than what this shitty world has to offer, I know how rough your life has been and I wanted you to know I'm really happy you're still here. Still with me. Despite our ups and downs, all of highschool, and every adult man hitting on us, we're still together, and are closer than we ever have been. You mean so much to me, more than I could ever express in writing. I want you to know that no matter what happens, I'll always be here for you, when you need me, when you don't. I have your back.
Love, Jessica.
Nicole got lost in the letter for about a moment, she doesn't really think anyone has written her something this heartfelt before. It was nice and it did make her realize, if only for a moment, that someone really did care about her. It felt especially out of character for Jecka of all people. Nicole finally looked up from the letter to see Jecka’s eyes watching her, they looked slightly more nervous than usual. She must've been waiting to see how the letter went over before saying anything.
“I'll be honest, I didn't expect something this fucking sappy out of you of all people.” Nicole smirked at her placing the letter on her nightstand, while she did genuinely feel touched by her words, she wasn't about to admit that to her. But Jecka didn't need a verbal confirmation on her feelings towards her writing, she could read it on her face just fine enough.
“Well it's your birthday and I figured you deserved a nice card, because surely those boys downstairs couldn't write you anything like that.” Jecka's smile was always something Nicole cherished, the way the corners of her mouth curl up, the way her pearly white teeth shine through her perfect lipstick covered lips, and the way it bleeds into her eyes. It's really a magical sight to behold and never seems to lose that magic, like the beautiful sunrise that's there every morning.
“There is still an actual present with your name on it, Nicole.” She was weirdly insistent on opening this present.
“Jeez, someone is impatient, what if I want to open it later?” She teased picking up the box and pretending to place it on the nightstand. Jecka grabbed her wrist.
"Oh come on, I didn’t buy this to not see your reaction to it, so hurry up and open the damn thing!” She huffed grabbing her other hand and dragging the giftbox down to Nicole’s lap.
“Fine, fine I’ll open it!” She laughed lightly and Jecka scooted up closer to her. Nicole began gently removing the wrapping paper and an idea of what could be inside entered her head.
A few months ago she and Jecka had been at the mall browsing the tech store, one of the many phones inside had stuck out to her. It was transparent and dark blue letting you see the circuits on the inside. Nicole always liked getting to see inside of things, it gave her a sense of control, if she could see what something was made of then she could take advantage of it. It's how she approached most people after all (which was totally not at all manipulative or strange in the slightest). But there was no way in hell Jecka dropped that much money on her, and her old rickety phone worked fine enough, it's not like she needed a new one.
In a moment of weakness, Nicole let out a shocked gasp as the last of the wrapping paper came undone. Underneath, a box with the exact phone she wanted printed on the cover was revealed. She really had spent over a hundred dollars on her huh. Jecka grinned, this was much more of a reaction than she had been expecting out of Nicole.
“I actually can't believe you got me this.” Her voice came out just as shocked as her face looked but there was a bright light in her ocean blue eyes. In her long neglectful life nobody ever seemed to care as much as Jecka did about her. People who ‘cared’ about her always failed to pick up on things when they mattered to her. Her mother always claimed to care but Nicole was always more of a secondary issue to her, behind work and whoever she was dating that week. Also, with the constant moving for much of her life after the divorce, none of her friends ever stuck or developed relationships beyond simple transactional ones. Jecka was so wildly different, in just two years she had grown to be the most important and special person in her life, the only person that was worth living for.
“It's the least I could do for your eighteenth, Nicole.” Her eyes and smile softened as they settled on Nicole's smiling face. She wasn't ever a very expressive person, constant resting bitch face and scowling at everyone in school (that of course never stopped all the boys from hitting on her, actually might’ve motivated them to do so). So when she did show the rare smile and that faint light of joy dancing around her irises, it was more special than anything in the world. Jecka cherished each and every one of them.
Nicole looked away. “Seriously, you shouldn't have spent this much on me, you know damn well I can't repay you, it's a shitty investment.” She was clearly trying to cover up the significance this gift held for her but it did make her feel a bit bad that she wouldn’t be able to repay Jecka for her birthday.
“Like hell, I have a job now and the thing was less than a whole paycheck.” She waved off Nicole’s worrying about her financial situation, really one phone wasn’t much of an issue for her, she had always been very fortunate. Both her parents had well paying jobs so even without her own she still probably could’ve gotten Nicole the phone, but something about knowing Jecka bought her a gift all on her own with her own cash made it all that bit more special. She placed the phone and box on her nightstand with the card turning to face her more directly.
“Speaking of that job of yours, your place still hiring? I could use a distraction for my long and boring days since we graduated” ‘The extra cash wouldn’t hurt either with mom breathing down my neck.’ Her thoughts lingered on her mother’s nagging about ‘providing for yourself’ as if her brother wasn’t the freeloader to end all freeloaders. Plus, spending more time with Jecka during the day wouldn’t hurt.
“You want a job at Spencers.” The genuine shock that left her lips almost made Nicole burst into laughter.
“What, don’t I give off ‘hardworking bitch that will only ever make minimum wage’?” She grinned, provoking a sharp jab from Jecka.
“Okay but seriously. You want to work with me? I didn’t realize you were this desperate to be around me all day.” Now it was Nicole’s turn to playfully punch Jecka in her shoulder.
“Oh please, I just figure it’d be easier to get a job when someone who works there can vouch for me.” While this was true, she was using it more so to cover up actually wanting to spend more time with her.
“Right, right. Well, I do have a pretty good relationship with my manager so if you got your information together and applied I could put in a good word for you. Buuuut you have to act nice and look presentable during your interview, which I know is a challenge for you.” She ran her fingers through her blond hair.
“Do I really need to do that to apply to Spencers? Have you seen how the people who work there dress? My usual is already miles better than theirs.”
“Nicole, I work there.” She almost looked offended that she'd even suggest her clothing style was so underdeveloped to be comparable to her coworkers.
“Okay fine, I’ll make myself look nicer than usual and apply, happy?” Jecka nods.
“But you better be right about the manager liking you thing.”
She slumped back on her bed, by now the sound of partying downstairs had gotten much too loud. Usually the walls of her room were enough to keep the sound of her brother’s screaming about call of duty and stupidly loud advances on teenage girls mostly out. But the sheer concentration of people downstairs was more than enough to penetrate them. Jecka laid down beside her, noticing she was uncomfortable.
“You know, I drove here by myself in my dad’s car. We could climb out your window and go for an evening drive. We’d be alone and away from the mediocre party downstairs.” She turned her head to look at the figure beside her, it was getting darker outside with the sun setting over the horizon, its faint rays sending bright purples and oranges across the dimming sky. She never paid much mind to sunsets, they never illuminated a brighter tomorrow for her just being another inevitability of the world. But now it felt different, it really felt like there was something to look forward to, someone to keep living for, Jecka.
The warm caramel shine was reflecting onto Jecka’s figure in the twilight making her glow like an angel. She smiled at her waiting for her to answer. Nicole didn't want to leave just yet, the moment was fleeting but she wanted to soak it up as much as possible before the sun went down.
“Yeah, let's ditch this place.” She said flatly, quickly sitting up, it was colder now so she offered Jecka one of her zip up hoodies to stay warm in the chilly night breeze. Even if she had a long sleeve and a blouse, it was still quite chilly and Nicole didn’t want her to freeze to death ‘though it could lead to me having to offer the hoodie I’m wearing later..’ No, no that’d be too much like a cheesy roomcom, definitely not her style.
“Smells like you” Jecka said mostly to herself after the hoodie was placed over her shoulders.
“What, do I smell bad or something?” She sounded somewhat worried about it which amused her. While Nicole had detailed recollections of each of her perfume scents, she hardly expected Jecka to pay the same attention to detail as her, considering she didn’t wear any to speak of.
“Well, I wouldn’t say that, you just…” she paused for a few moments to formulate a way to continue this sentence without pissing off Nicole or sounding too weird. “...have a certain smell, it’s not noticeable or anything, I’m probably the only one who does notice it really.” She gave her a look.
“Thats- not weird right? I’m not one of those boys that get off to smelling a girl’s stuff, promise!” She seemed genuinely worried about it bothering her.
“Jecka, I could not give less of a shit, I have what perfume you wear every day memorized.” That last part did just slid out, though she didn’t mean it to, it didn’t hurt Jecka to know.
“Oh, well that's a relief.” She paused, “wait, what perfume am I wearing today?” She was genuinely curious.
“Pumpkin.” She answered flatly.
“And yesterday?”
“White peach.”
She raised her eyebrows. “Wow those are … fully spot on, you know your stuff huh.” She sounded impressed and Nicole tried not to let a bit of pride crawl onto her face.
The loud crash from downstairs jolted the two back to their initial goal of hopping in Jecka’s car to go on a car ride. Sounded like someone had knocked a shelf over in a drunken stupor. ‘Surprised it didn’t happen sooner, mom’s going to hate cleaning that up.’
“I think that's as good of a reason as any to take our leave, hope it wasn’t like important or anything.” She shook her head no, maybe to her mother but most likely not to her.
Nicole walked to the one window in the room, unlatching the locks and sliding it up, giving them both enough room to climb down the lattice panel that was positioned by it. Jecka had used it in the past to climb into her room and likewise she had used it plenty of times to sneak out.
She went first, going down with ease waiting at the bottom to make sure Jecka climbed down safely. The window under hers led into the kitchen giving her a clear sight of her mom slumped over the island, red solo cup in hand. She looked like she was having all kinds of fun with former principal Lyn who was leaning on it besides her. They seemed engaged in some flirtatious conversation that she couldn’t hear through the window let alone the roar of the party.
The light thud behind her told her that Jecka had made it to the ground safely. “Who would’ve guessed, your mom and principal Lyn. Looks you take after your mom more than you like to admit!” She grinned, making Nicole groan.
“Oh shut up bitch.” She flipped her off and walked past her towards the driveway. The lights of Jecka’s dad’s white Honda Accord lit up as she unlocked it with her keys. It was a nice car, nicer than her own mom’s car at least. The thing had plenty of room for the both of them, the interior was nicely furnished, it was reliable, and nice to drive. ‘I may not have a license but it hasn’t stopped me from driving before.’
She slid into the passenger seat and Jecka wasn’t far behind turning her key and starting the car.
“Anywhere you’d like to go, birthday girl?” her brown eyes caught in the now rising moon’s light as she turned her head to look at her.
“How about you surprise me, take me somewhere new.” Her gaze shifted to the dash as some popular pop musician began playing on the radio, sounded like that one white guy, ‘Ed Sheeran I think his name was? The girls loved him in school but I never liked him.’
“Alright then, I think I have a place in mind.” Arriving as late as she did had some perks, nobody was parked behind her and she could pull out with ease. She wondered where Jecka would drive them to build up some anticipation in her head as they drove.
The roads were quieting down at this hour, people were home on a cold Saturday evening like this, watching movies with loved ones. But for Nicole, she was with the single most important person in the world, Jecka on a dark road with the stars rising into the sky as they drove further away from the bright lights of the neighborhood and the city, and honestly, she couldn’t be happier.