Work Text:
Evelynn was having a perfectly productive Saturday morning.
Well.
She was trying to have a perfectly productive Saturday morning.
There was a key distinction there misunderstood by about five different label executives and a particularly annoying stylist who apparently believed that the words dark purple and lavender were interchangeable. Evelynn had considered explaining the difference to her, preferably with several visual aids and a blunt instrument, but ultimately decided that murder before lunch would be terribly inconvenient for her schedule.
But beyond that, she had a meeting with another exec and around five emails that required responses, all before noon. Three of those emails were questions she’d already answered yesterday, one was a request for her approval on something she’d already approved weeks ago, and the fifth was from someone who had somehow managed to misspell her name despite having it directly above the reply button.
She was beginning to understand why some celebrities developed substance abuse problems.
Her phone suddenly buzzing made her close her eyes. “Excellent,” she said under her breath, perfectly manicured nails reaching for the small device as she considered five different ways to tell another exec that they should be able to wipe their own asses without needing her help. Just more politely.
As per my previous email was starting to lose its effectiveness as a socially acceptable substitute for are you clinically fucking stupid?
A brow rose when she saw the name on her phone’s screen.
The corner of her mouth twitched upward. A remarkably irritating habit she'd developed over the past few months -- seeing one particular name appear on her phone and immediately feeling her mood improve.
Naturally, she blamed the person who had just texted her.
Akali had sent her a video. No context, no explanation, just a short eight second video, the thumbnail perfectly blank to not give away the contents, though the small TikTok logo was visible on the left of the screen.
Evelynn almost groaned. For whatever ungodly reason the past couple of days had been nothing but TikTok spam from the younger rapper while she worked on her side project, True Damage. The content ranged from cats falling off furniture to a man attempting to cook an egg using a clothes iron. One particularly memorable video had featured a raccoon stealing an entire bag of marshmallows from someone’s kitchen.
Akali had captioned that one literally me.
Evelynn chose not to investigate what the hell that meant.
She quickly concluded it was Ekko’s influence, thus also meaning there was absolutely nothing she could do about it. For now, anyway. She was fairly certain that if she ever got her hands on the boy’s phone, the TikTok algorithm would be the least of his concerns.
She sighed and pressed play. An orange-and-white cat appeared in her face, its enormous eyes and pink little nose occupying a good two-thirds of the entire screen. The feline stared directly into the camera with the vacant, untroubled expression of something that had never paid taxes, never attended a meeting, and never possessed a single coherent thought in its entire life.
Evelynn envied it. Most of the population probably did too.
Text appeared underneath the video.
I hope your Tuesday is as nice as your butt.
For several seconds Evelynn just stared at the screen, her expression as blank as an empty sheet of paper. She simply stared at the cat as it stared back at her with its cute, stupid little face. Somewhere in the distance she could hear an email notification come through, though she ignored it. She watched the video again, and then, very slowly, lowered her phone onto the desk.
Evelynn was a globally recognized superstar, part of K/DA and an incredibly talented vocalist who had been shaking the industry up for years. A woman whose mere presence had reduced interviewers to stuttering wrecks, whose photographs adorned billboards across multiple continents, and whose beauty had inspired several rather embarrassing public declarations of devotion.
And apparently, the little menace she'd had the spectacular misfortune of falling in love with had just compared the quality of her ass to the potential quality of her Tuesday.
Today was fucking Saturday.
She picked her phone back up and started typing a reply.
Evelynn: …?
Akali’s response came quickly, in that very same obnoxious yet somehow endearing way she tended to blow up somebody’s messages whenever she decided she liked the person she was about to torture with several lines of text.
Akali: what
Akali: its a compliment
Akali: and the cats cute
Akali: its perfect
Evelynn: Darling, I have received compliments from some of the most beautiful people on this planet.
Evelynn: Never once has anyone employed a cross-eyed feline to deliver one.
Akali: skill issue
Evelynn: Today is also Saturday.
Akali: wait
The next reply took a few seconds longer.
Akali: ah shit
Akali: whatever
Akali: details
Evelynn slowly closed her eyes as she sat her phone back down. She inhaled. Then exhaled. The sort of breath that preceded either a murder or a remarkably expensive therapy session focusing on the very delicate emotion of being tired of somebody’s bullshit.
“Unbelievable.”
Across the room, a different part of K/DA’s roster caught the slight undertone of irritation in Evelynn’s voice. Fox-like gold-amber eyes rose as Ahri regarded her with a raised brow. “What’s unbelievable?”
“Your rapper,” was Evelynn’s immediate response as she returned to her emails.
Ahri didn’t even blink, though her lips did twitch upward ever so slightly. “What did she do?”
Evelynn sighed and turned her phone over to her groupmate. Ahri took it, then watched the video curiously, and then there was silence. Pure, blissful silence. Before, of course, Ahri made a noise that sounded suspiciously like an aged tea kettle suddenly coming to life.
“Oh my GOD.”
“Yes,” Evelynn replied as she pinched the bridge of her nose.
“THE CAT!” She said, pointing at the phone as her shoulders shook from laughter.
“Yes, Ahri,” Evelynn sighed yet again.
“LOOK AT ITS STUPID LITTLE FACE!”
“I HAVE SEEN ITS FACE!”
Ahri’s cheeks flushed lightly as she leaned back in her seat and laughed in that very particular way which described the direct opposite of professional composure. Evelynn shook her head and could only sigh for what felt like the twentieth time in the past two minutes.
Having caught the sound of Ahri laughing, Kai’Sa emerged from the small kitchenette that was in the group’s studio, a protein shake in her hand. She looked between her two groupmates curiously.
“What’s funny?”
K/DA’s leader was wheezing by this point, much to Evelynn’s chagrin. Then again she’d probably also agree that she was starting to get a little amused by it. Ahri waved Kai’Sa over and then handed her Evelynn’s phone.
“Kali sent her something,” she said in between laughs.
Kai’Sa hummed to herself and then watched the video. She blinked, paused it, and then watched it again. Her eyes rose from the phone to Ahri, then to Evelynn, then back to the phone, and then Evelynn again, in that specific order.
“...That’s actually really sweet.”
Evelynn just stared at her for a moment. “Sweet?”
“Yeah,” their dancer nodded.
“A cat just informed me that my Tuesday should be as pleasant as my posterior, on a Saturday.”
Kai’Sa just shrugged as she handed Evelynn back her phone, “She’s saying you have a nice ass.”
Evelynn rolled her eyes, “Thank you, Kai’Sa. I managed to decipher the subtext.”
“Then what’s the problem?”
Evelynn opened her mouth to say something, then closed it as her phone buzzed one more time. She looked down to see another series of messages coming through in rapid succession.
Akali: actually wait
Akali: ur day would have to be unreasonably good
Akali: like scientists would need to study that shit type of good
Akali: nvm unrealistic expectations
Akali: also yeah its not tuesday today mb
She read the messages again. For the briefest of moments Evelynn’s lips twitched upward, barely noticeable. Ahri, however, who had always been unusually observant of her groupmates, had managed to pick that little change up.
“Oh, she’s smiling,” she commented, a small amused smirk forming on her face.
“I am not,” Evelynn glared.
“You’re literally smiling,” Ahri pushed.
“Ahri,” the tone was clearly a warning. Unfortunately for Evelynn, though, neither Ahri nor Kai’Sa seemed to care.
“At… a cat video…” Ahri said and lost her composure again. Kai’Sa snickered away with her. Evelynn just groaned. At this point she’d rather have been dealing with the executives.
“Evelynn,” eventually Kai’Sa began, her expression thoughtful as she sipped her shake. “I think she’s flirting with you.”
Evelynn blinked, then turned slowly toward her.
“Oh, really?” she deadpanned.
“Pretty sure,” Kai’Sa nodded as though it were a universal fact. ”I mean, she’s being quite obvious about it.
Evelynn just stared at her. Ahri made a sound like she was physically fighting for her life.
And eventually Evelynn, for her part, decided that murdering both of them would have probably been terrible for the group’s public image. Probably.
Her phone buzzed one more time. The singer glanced down.
Akali: anyway
Akali: love u
Akali: can u get oat milk on ur way back
Evelynn just stared at the screen with the incredulousness of somebody who just had their mother insulted in front of their face. Then she typed up a reply.
Evelynn: I love you too, you ridiculous, insufferable little creature.
Evelynn: And yes.
Evelynn: Although I expect a proper compliment when I get home.
The reply came fast, again.
Akali: bet
Akali: ill find a second cat
Evelynn just put her phone down and stared at the ceiling. “...I’m going to strangle her.”
Ahri had long since dissolved into tears from laughing, meanwhile Kai’Sa just took another sip of her shake. “You’re still getting the oat milk, though, right?”
“YES, KAI’SA. I’M GETTING THE FUCKING OAT MILK.”
—
Across the city, blissfully unaware that her girlfriend was considering several creative forms of homicide, Akali was having a considerably better Saturday, apparently, morning. She was sitting in the rented studio she had gotten with Ekko while True Damage prepped for a show tonight. Yasuo was already there, working on some part of the live arrangement that he wanted to show them later. The rest of the crew should have been following shortly before prepwork began.
K/DA’s rapper was sitting cross-legged on the studio’s couch, a very particular expression spreading across her face that did nothing to conceal how immensely pleased with herself she felt.
Ekko, who had been working over at the mixing desk, glanced over at her. “Yo, Kali, why’re you grinning like that?”
Akali turned to the other rapper, an innocent smile on her face, “I’m not grinning like anything.”
Ekko didn’t look convinced. He pointed at her, “That’s your ‘I’ve done something stupid’ face.”
“Fuck you.”
"See? That’s exactly the face.”
Akali snorted to herself and held up her phone to Ekko. He watched the cat video, his eyes widening and brows rising as he read the subsequent conversation. He was quiet for roughly five seconds.
“...Bro, Kali.”
“Yeah?”
He considered for a moment, then looked at her. “You got one of the most intimidating women in the entire music industry buying you fucking oat milk with a cat meme.”
Akali hummed to herself, then leaned back into the couch, her hands behind her head.
“Game is game.”
Ekko nodded slowly.
“Can’t even hate.”
For the next few hours the two sat in silent agreement while listening to whatever Yasuo had been working on. Akali just relaxed into the couch while enjoying a takeout cup of coffee, nodding along to the faint beat of the instrumental. Eventually her phone buzzed again. The rapper checked the device, a smile immediately settling on her face as she saw the name behind the text message.
Eve <3
The message contained a photograph taken directly from the supermarket. Two cartons of oatmilk, an energy drink, and some packets of Akali’s favorite ramyun. Akali snickered at that.
Then came another message.
I hope your performance tonight is as impressive as your girlfriend’s ass.
Akali snorted, already thinking of a witty reply she could buzz back. Though, before she could, another message appeared which, after reading, made Akali forget how to breathe.
Although, darling, the performance I'm really looking forward to is the one you'll be giving me after the show. And I have much higher expectations for what you'll be doing with that mouth of yours once the microphone is put away.
The rapper choked on her coffee rather unceremoniously, almost doubling over coughing.
Ekko looked over, brow raised, looking a little alarmed. “...Yo, you good?”
“Yeah,” Akali supplied, punching the side of her fist into her chest as she coughed. “Yeah, I’m good!”
Once again, the younger rapper looked unconvinced. “The hell happened?”
“NOTHING!”
He studied her for a few moments, quiet recognition settling in, making his lips curl up. “Yo, why is your face red?”
“SHUT THE FUCK UP, EKKO!”
Before Ekko could ask anything else, Akali’s phone buzzed with one more message that nearly ended her brief existence on this planet.
And do save some of that stamina for me, sweetheart. I intend to make you work considerably harder for your applause once we're alone.
Akali turned her phone facedown so violently that Ekko actually flinched.
There was a brief pause, then Ekko just stared at her. Then at the phone. Then back at her. A slow, absolutely insufferable grin spread across his face.
“...Game is game, huh?”
A couch cushion slammed against his face so fast it nearly gave him whiplash.