evilgiraff
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“Is that something you want in life? A marriage?”
A fluffy story in which declarations are made, fireworks are set off, and absolutely no fishing takes place at all.
Written for the OFMD Reverse Big Bang 2024 - thanks mods! You did a fabulous job ❤️
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Seasoned pro cyclist Edward “Blackbeard” Teach is counting down the days to his retirement when his swansong at the Tour de France is thrown off-course by a starry-eyed newcomer. Can Stede Bonnet’s enthusiasm remind Ed why he loves cycling, and perhaps help him find some joy in his personal life too?
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“This is my first Tour, but it’s also my last. I’m here by luck. It won’t happen again.”
“Hmm. I might have heard something along those lines.”
Ed has, in fact, heard a lot of it, mostly in Izzy’s outraged voice.
You know that twat hasn’t even raced a one-day Classic? No real road experience at all, just a handful of time trials. He’s a rower, for fuck’s sake, he’s not got the first idea how to handle himself in a group. He’s only here because his daddy owns the team. Totally unprofessional. Stupid fucking Stede Bonnet.
“So why are you here now, then?” he asks. “What did you do to get Fortune to smile on you so beautifully?”
“It’s a long story,” Stede replies.
“I’ve got all day. Come on, get your bike. We’ll go for a ride and you can tell me all about it.” -
Neither Ceasing, Nor Desisting by BrainzGoblin, ClaireGregory, CommunionNimrod, Deniz_B, Dracothelizard, ElapsedSpiral, evilgiraff, FPwoper, JaneSane, mistercrystal, nomadsland, shieldmaidenofmithrilhall, Zigster
Fandoms: Our Flag Means Death (TV)
01 Dec 2023
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Offensive Semaphore. Defacing the Pyramids. Beat Poetry. Edward Teach has (or perhaps, hasn't) done it all. And now that they've been reunited, Stede wants to hear every story Ed is willing to tell.
An anthology exploring the truth behind Blackbeard's alleged crimes.
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Canon era Ed/Stede reunion fic. Lots of sailing around the Caribbean, sea chases, navigation, and modern lyrics masquerading as 18th century poetry.
Warnings: Violence (no graphic depictions of injury). Mortal peril (quickly resolved).:::::
“Yes, alright, I need to make it better.” Stede glares at Roach, then looks around hopefully. “Any ideas how?”
“I reckon what we need most for that, cap’n,” says Buttons, thoughtfully, “is a ship.” -
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Draco is happily muddling along in his job as Assistant to the Keeper of the Hall of Prophecies, when his world is turned upside down by a new prophecy involving himself – and Harry Potter.
Recent series
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Charming Beauty Bright and outtakes by evilgiraff
Fandom Twilight Series - All Media Types
03 Nov 2012
Summary
A Twilight multichapter story, with associated outtakes
- Words:
- 33,273
- Works:
- 2
Recent bookmarks
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"Are you going for the course?" Lovegood asked. "You have the NEWTs.”
“What course?” Draco said, then, “No, don’t be ridiculous,” when he realized she meant the notice pinned up on the board he’d been staring at: Applicants To The Introductory Mediwizard Course For The Coming Term Shall Present Themselves In The Chief Mediwizard’s Office By August 24th.
“Oh, I thought you might,” she said. “Well, goodbye.” And off she wandered again in her addled way.
Series
- Part 12 of Harry Potter works
- Part 3 of Astolat Sampler
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 46,905
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Comments:
- 1,729
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- 27,191
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- 10,051
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- 436,259
Bookmarked by evilgiraff
17 Jul 2026
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splitting the difference by PenAndInkPrincess
Fandoms: Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types, The Witcher (TV)
14 Dec 2022
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Geralt is on his feet at once when the portal opens in his room, reaching for his sword and unsheathing it in one smooth, practiced motion as he leaps from the bed. He squints against the light pouring into the dimness of the room, eyes stinging at the contrast, growling low in his chest on instinct at the invasion. His medallion hums like a bee against his chest, reacting to incredibly strong magic in the immediate vicinity. He shifts his weight, ready to attack-
Only to nearly stumble with the change in balance when a puff of orange smoke at his side causes something to wrap around his wrist. He snarls, turning and raising his sword for a blow.
And then nearly drops the blade entirely at the sight of a painfully-familiar bard at his side, dangling from his arm with shining handcuffs joining their wrists.
(after the mountain, geralt and jaskier have gone their separate ways) (until a drunken night at a pub with a sorcerer leads to jaskier accidentally getting them handcuffed together courtesy of the world's WORST wingmage)
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 13,702
- Chapters:
- 2/2
- Comments:
- 107
- Kudos:
- 1,862
- Bookmarks:
- 306
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- 12,973
Bookmarked by evilgiraff
08 Jul 2026
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This Is How I Disappear by StacyHolmes
Fandoms: Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types, The Witcher (TV)
21 Dec 2022
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Jaskier keeps texting unknown number. Geralt keeps reading said texts without answering.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 5,395
- Chapters:
- 11/11
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 211
- Kudos:
- 1,856
- Bookmarks:
- 275
- Hits:
- 10,464
Bookmarked by evilgiraff
08 Jul 2026
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Don't Let Your Heart Grow Cold (This Monster Loves You) by Elpie (Horribibble), Siwucha for Siwucha
Fandoms: Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types, The Witcher (TV), Wiedźmin | The Witcher (Video Game), Wiedźmin | The Witcher Series - Andrzej Sapkowski
06 Aug 2020
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“It’s meant to be a deterrent,” She says. “Meant to tell us off for some horrible thing. Sometimes, I think I want a thousand more, but I only have the one.”
She does not say, No one else has loved me enough for their heart to break when I drop it.
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For ages now, humanity has been cursed to bear the marks of the hearts they break.
Geralt has never been marked by anyone. No one has ever loved him enough.
Geralt has never marked anyone. He'd need a heart for that.Jaskier is going to have a fit.
Bookmarked by evilgiraff
16 Jun 2026
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Summary
Even the tips of his ears are rosy, maybe because of the way the girl is squirming on his lap. He's making pleasant conversation, biting his lips and then licking over them at intervals, when he's searching for words. Certainly drunk, then.
He could have been in bed with the girl long ago, but Geralt knows by now that he likes this, likes whispering flirtatious nonsense, and sipping from his cup of mead, and sending winks at Geralt.
Geralt wishes he wouldn't.
Jaskier and Geralt fantasize repeatedly about how badly they do not want each other. Also, they do not care about each other. And any domesticity is unintentional.(Luckily, being travel partners is a temporary arrangement.)
Bookmarked by evilgiraff
02 Apr 2026