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Ed considers calling his ex up for sex and then decides to go out for ice cream instead. Then, a stranger in line strikes up a conversation.
_____
A modern Gentlebeard meet-cute/hook-up AU. -
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Wanted: Someone to help me fake my death. I am not trying to commit insurance fraud or avoid criminal charges, but beyond that my reasons remain private. Must have skills and access including but not limited to obtaining a duplicate corpse, lying, misdemeanor level fraud, and a general spirit for malfeasance. Will pay handsomely, pay is negotiable DOE. SERIOUS INQUIRIES ONLY! Please do not message me with the intent to interview me for a scientific journal, I WILL NOT BE FALLING FOR THAT ONE AGAIN!
Bookmarked by FPwoper
28 Aug 2026
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Fake Your Death
oatmilktruther -
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Oblivious (or is he?) Stede Bonnet has a public TV show about his woodshop where he lovingly (and suggestively?) talks about his handiwork. Ed Teach of Extreme Woodwork with Blackbeard is in a bit of a slump when he watches an episode and finds it a transformative experience. All he needs to do now is arrange to meet this guy.
Bookmarked by FPwoper
25 Aug 2026
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Good with His Hands
LyraTalise -
The Inked Lady and the Lighthouse Keeper by PilotPirate, Roberta Seaport (Deepdarkwaters)
Fandoms: Our Flag Means Death (TV)
31 Jul 2026
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Ed Teach is tired. Tired of drag racing. Tired of hanging out at Jackie'z Dance Hall with her motorcycle gang, the Inked Ladies. Tired of playing a role, pretending to be someone she isn't.
Until she meets Stede Bonnet, the new lighthouse keeper...
This is a 1950's lesbian Gentlebeard motorcycle gang/lighthouse AU collaboration for the OFMD Reverse Bang 2026 by Roberta Seaport (art) and PilotPirate (words).
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 31,957
- Chapters:
- 6/6
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 89
- Kudos:
- 36
- Bookmarks:
- 6
- Hits:
- 560
Bookmarked by FPwoper
23 Aug 2026
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The Inked Lady and the Lighthouse Keeper
PilotPirate, Roberta Seaport (Deepdarkwaters) -
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Stede Bonnet is at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival. He wants to see Jack Ansett's show but it's sold out. Luckily there's a nice man nearby who just happens to have a spare ticket ...
Bookmarked by FPwoper
22 Aug 2026
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Hinged at the Fringe
Stedephile -
- Words:
- 5,682
- Works:
- 2
- Bookmarks:
- 2
Bookmarked by FPwoper
18 Aug 2026
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oatmilktruther - alexa play HOLIDAY by lil nas x
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He does the obligatory eye-rolling, at first.
You know. The whole pfft and whatever and nah, not for me mate. All the things he’s preconditioned to say when he’s terrified of trying something new and being absolutely dogshit at it.
(Ed's still learning how to sit with himself. A post-canon exploration of mindfulness, self-acceptance, and hyperfixating on a new hobby. And love, always 💕)
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Into the Heart of the Forest by GelatinousStand, LyraTalise
Fandoms: Our Flag Means Death (TV)
28 Jul 2026
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Stede's father spent the last twenty years of his life isolated in a (potentially haunted) house, refusing to see his family. When he dies, Stede feels responsible for finding answers to the mystery of what spurred his father's strange behavior, hoping that time spent in the house will reveal those secrets. Only, what if it's not the house that's haunted, but rather the wood behind it?
Words by Lyra Talise || Art by Juniper (GelatinousStand)
Posted for the OFMD Reverse Big Bang 2026
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 50,559
- Chapters:
- 12/12
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 670
- Kudos:
- 116
- Bookmarks:
- 34
- Hits:
- 1,969
Bookmarked by FPwoper
02 Aug 2026
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Into the Heart of the Forest
GelatinousStand, LyraTalise -
Lucky Strike by CitrusSyndicate, Temporal_discounting
Fandoms: Our Flag Means Death (TV)
30 Jul 2026
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Stede Bonnet cannot remain trapped in a loveless marriage and a soul-crushing career for a single second longer. He flees headlong into the night, with no real idea of where he is going or what he will do when he gets there. He stops for gas in the tiny desert town of Revenge, where a pawnshop catches his eye.
Ed Teach has been stuck running Hornigold's Pawn for decades. Every day is exactly the fucking same. That is, until the day that a golden-haired stranger walks in, looking to pawn his wedding ring…
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 27,347
- Chapters:
- 5/5
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 193
- Kudos:
- 136
- Bookmarks:
- 24
- Hits:
- 1,663
Bookmarked by FPwoper
31 Jul 2026
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Lucky Strike
CitrusSyndicate, Temporal_discounting -
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Edward Teach grew up in a house where weakness was punished, where safety didn't exist and trust was broken from the time he understood the monster his father was. He'd risen above it, grown stronger, found his footing as an adult, but the scars of the past remained as his own body rebelled against him. He doesn't go into heat. He doesn't show his tail and ears. He doesn't trust easily or deeply. And he's always been okay with that, never had an issue with his life...until he met Stede Bonnet.
The alpha swans into Ed's life by mistake after a failed attempt to humiliate him by a pair of assholes and Ed finds himself caught up in a whirlpool with an alpha that gleefully presents his ears and tail over a good cup of tea or a fine fabric. Who seems to love Ed even with his prickly distrust and broken pieces.
The problem is... Ed is pretty sure he's too fucking broken for someone like Stede, and he has no idea what to do with the instincts that begin to awaken.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 44,475
- Chapters:
- 6/6
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 205
- Kudos:
- 125
- Bookmarks:
- 18
- Hits:
- 1,937
Bookmarked by FPwoper
29 Jul 2026
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Broken Like Me
KalansPhantom -
The Fast & the Fluffiest, Or: UNLIKELY ANIMAL FRIENDS RETIRED RACING DOG AND ALPACA LOVE EACH OTHER REAL NOT CLICKBAIT by bizarrelittlemew, serpent_and_dahlia
Fandoms: Our Flag Means Death (TV)
21 Jul 2026
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Summary
“Stede,” Ed said slowly, and even to his own ears he sounded a bit faint, “why do you have a llama in the living room?”
Stede closed the front door behind him with a sigh. “Actually, Jeff’s an alpaca.”
Felt like that was sort of missing the point here, but sure. Ed would play ball. “Okay. Stede, why do you have an alpaca in your living room?”**
Other guys have their mid-life crisis, they buy an irresponsible sports car. But Edward Teach—formerly one of the greatest Formula 1 Drivers of all time, now Just Some Guy—already has a sports car. Actually, he has six.Ergo: Ed buys an irresponsible hobby farm instead. Weirdly, this does not fill the hole in his heart.
But his highly neurotic rescue dog and hot new vet boyfriend might...
If Stede would fucking call him back.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 35,909
- Chapters:
- 9/9
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 388
- Kudos:
- 185
- Bookmarks:
- 33
- Hits:
- 2,406
Bookmarked by FPwoper
21 Jul 2026
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The Fast & the Fluffiest, Or: UNLIKELY ANIMAL FRIENDS RETIRED RACING DOG AND ALPACA LOVE EACH OTHER REAL NOT CLICKBAIT
bizarrelittlemew, serpent_and_dahlia -
If You're Not Falling, You're Not Learning by veeagainst for petrichorca
Fandoms: Our Flag Means Death (TV)
14 Jul 2026
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- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 25,613
- Chapters:
- 3/3
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 116
- Kudos:
- 98
- Bookmarks:
- 18
- Hits:
- 920
Bookmarked by FPwoper
19 Jul 2026
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If You're Not Falling, You're Not Learning
veeagainst -
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When Fang suggests that Ed download a new app called 'Roost' to help him slow down in his day-to-day life, Ed finds a whole lot more than he bargained for when he strikes up a pen-pal friendship with TheGentlemanPirate.
Bookmarked by FPwoper
15 Jul 2026
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the pigeons are coming home to roost
watchtheflow -
Unconventional Methods by PolitestMenace (GayPirateAficionado)
Fandoms: Our Flag Means Death (TV)
12 Jul 2026
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Summary
Hmm. Should Ed say what he’s thinking?
He shouldn’t. He knows he shouldn’t.
But he does anyway: “So. Uh. Know of one other thing.” Ed looks down, picking at the shark tooth on his jacket, trying to act cazh. He’s not sure it’s working.
“Oh yes?” Stede sounds beyond delighted. His face brightens so much he almost doesn’t look like he hasn’t gotten a wink of sleep. (Almost.)
“Um, yeah. But…” Ed clears his throat. “Can I…uh…tell you what it is somewhere else? Like…in a more private place?”
***
Stede has an extremely stubborn case of the hiccups. Lucky for him, Ed knows of something that might help. But…it might change these co-captains’ relationship forever.
Bookmarked by FPwoper
13 Jul 2026
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Unconventional Methods
PolitestMenace (GayPirateAficionado) -
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Ed is having a difficult time. He's not sure how to keep going every day but he doesn't have to do it alone this time. His boyfriend Stede is there with cups of tea, snacks, and so many cuddles.
Inspired by and following on from clear water to the bottom by thisreader.
Bookmarked by FPwoper
10 Jul 2026
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You will do better in the morning
1happydaiz -
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"But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness".
1 John 1:9
Edward Teach knows sin and guilt. He's got success and fame, a life that most would envy professionally, but his personal life is another matter entirely. He's shit at relationships, shit at finding happiness, in general, Ed's always been a bit shit. He knows he's floating through life, and eventually floats back into the same city he went to college. The same city he once crushed a sweet guy all for the sake of winning a bet.
And meets Father Stede Bonnet, a man who seems to see into his guilt-laden soul and offers to wash his sins clean.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 215,424
- Chapters:
- 17/17
- Comments:
- 1,054
- Kudos:
- 337
- Bookmarks:
- 67
- Hits:
- 11,575
Bookmarked by FPwoper
29 Jun 2026
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Acts Of Contrition
KalansPhantom(potential series?)
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Stede sells soap. Ed sells soup. Their adjacent holiday market booths give them a chance to become fast friends. A sudden emergency has Ed offering a wild solution—a quick sham marriage to allow Stede to keep accessing his much-needed medication.
Ed’s never planned to get married. Stede never wants to be married again. It’s an easy choice, as long as no one’s heart gets involved.
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Summary
"What's on your mind, Stede?"
"It's just… well, it's rather hard to believe, isn't it?" Stede says.
"What, that Thomas and Maria are snogging already after he left her behind? It's a romance novel, Stede. It's not supposed to be realistic. You've gotta suspend your disbelief a bit, man."
"No, it's not that. It's just… Kissing. All of the romance novels make it out to be this huge, world-changing, earth-shattering experience. And it's just a bit silly, is all."
Ed swallows. "I dunno. It can feel really nice, y'know. With the right person."
Or, Stede confesses that he's never really seen the appeal of kissing before. What is a good co-captain to do but offer his own lips for the taking?
Bookmarked by FPwoper
20 Jun 2026
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You Don't Have To Be Cool
Temporal_discounting -
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Ed's fresh out of prison and she has a heist to run.
Only, it's not just any heist, it's her One Last Job, and the only person she knows who's crazy enough to help her pull it off is her ex:
Stede fucking Bonnet.
Luckily, Ed is a professional.
Bookmarked by FPwoper
16 Jun 2026
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Ya Soshla S Uma
oatmilktruther -
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Stede makes a bitchy comment to Ed about Mary and Doug's wedding. (At Mary and Doug's wedding.) A joke starts: "if we got married" - and then, suddenly: it's not a joke, is it?
Series
- Part 2 of The Accidental Modern AU