NotInThisHell



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  1. Public Bookmark *

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    Summary

    Shane: Is this Ilya Rozanov?
    Unknown number: no
    Shane: Oh, but the dog collar had this number.
    Unknown Number: What? What dog collar? What are you talking about?
    Shane: I'm Shane Hollander.
    Shane: I have your dog.
    Unknown Number: Is this ransom threat?
    Unknown Number: Did you kidnap my dog?

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    16,565
    Chapters:
    2/2
    Comments:
    1,189
    Kudos:
    28,420
    Bookmarks:
    4,561
    Hits:
    166,179

    31 Aug 2026

  2. Public Bookmark *

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    It’s not going viral because Jane’s true identity was exposed—or even because Ilya was blatantly sexting in public. That part’s as expected as Shane doing yoga or any human being on earth breathing.

    No, the texts are going viral because no one can believe how bad this “Jane” is at sexting.

    The women of the world are outraged. The men of the world are baffled. No one can understand why Ilya Rozanov, whose abs have their own fan club, is wasting his time on ‘a piece of cardboard that wished to be turned into a real girl’ (this particular joke has 300k likes and counting).

    Or: After a social media trend mocks Shane's sexting skills, he tries to improve them. It goes about as poorly as you'd expect.

    Now available in Russian

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    7,196
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    1,672
    Kudos:
    56,868
    Bookmarks:
    11,577
    Hits:
    398,739

    30 Aug 2026

  3. Public Bookmark *

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    In the early hours of Saturday, the Hockey world was ablaze with the news that Ilya Rozanov was dead. Killed in a tragic car accident leaving behind a slew of devastated fans and a grieving husband still reeling in shock.

    The news also came as an incredible shock to Ilya when he awoke that same day, hungover and bleary, but very much alive. 

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    26,385
    Chapters:
    3/3
    Comments:
    2,482
    Kudos:
    44,189
    Bookmarks:
    10,520
    Hits:
    516,746

    30 Aug 2026

  4. Public Bookmark *

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    Shane: Hello?
    Unknown Caller: Is this bird professor?
    Shane: …uh yes?
    Unknown Caller: Cool. Do humming birds have legs?
    Shane: What?
    Unknown Caller: Do humming birds—
    Shane: No, I heard you. Yes they have legs.
    Unknown Caller: [loud cheering in the background] I win! Thank you bird professor.
    Shane: …uh you're welcome?
    Unknown Caller: Goodbye.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,418
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    440
    Kudos:
    8,562
    Bookmarks:
    1,041
    Hits:
    34,330

    30 Aug 2026

  5. Public Bookmark *

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    Summary

    “Who are you talking to?” Sveta is looking with a raised eyebrow, at Ilya’s delighted face.

    “Ah, I am talking to my catfish.”

    “What do you mean, your catfish?” Ilya angles the phone so Sveta can see the shirtless picture on the screen.

    “This guy is pretending to be Shane Hollander on Grindr. It’s pretty funny. He’s cropped the face out, but he’s using pictures from the billboard next to my apartment.”

    Or: Ilya Rozanov is sure he's being catfished- why would the real Shane Hollander be on Grindr, talking to random university of Ottawa students? But the more he talks to Wayne, the more he starts to like him, and the more he wishes Wayne would just come clean so they can finally be together.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    19,322
    Chapters:
    11/11
    Comments:
    1,429
    Kudos:
    20,573
    Bookmarks:
    3,404
    Hits:
    210,415

    29 Aug 2026